My parents treat me like poo. A piece of poo they trod on. The social services and NHS are worse.
No one cares. Give me all your false platitudes, heard it all before.
My parents treat me like poo. A piece of poo they trod on. The social services and NHS are worse.
No one cares. Give me all your false platitudes, heard it all before.
Making your own life better is not a thing you TRY to do, it's a thing that you choose to do, whatever it takes.
Right on!
If I wanted to do myself in, who can stop me?
I've had the frighteneing experience of telling a normie (I thought) "friend" how effing depressed I am, and in the same conversation he tells me the most effective and painless way to do myself in!
The subsequent events are another story entirely, and a serious "life learning" experience for me.
Suffice to tell the readers (if I have any) I amanged by luck and personal effort to pull myself together somewhat and choose a better life rather than an ignominious death.
I understand that the O/P has also Considered his own options since writing this post, and also chosen to make himself a somewhat better life.
Making your own life better is not a thing you TRY to do, it's a thing that you choose to do, whatever it takes.
Roswell turned out to be genuinely looking for change, in a later post he told us that he'd made some changes and was enjoying the results.
Now, we all know enough about life not to expect him to sail off into the sunset all problems cured, but he has got himself to a position that the next time the blues come, he can remember when he made things "not so crap", all he has to do is rest and gather his energy, and he can have it all again. And again.
Depression is often described as a sort of pit, and the metaphor works very well for me.
I feel actual fear when I'm really miserable just like I am sliding down the side of a pit. Now the first thing that needs to be done is to stop the slide. I generally achieve that by sleeping or otherwise resting a lot. Next there is now the fact that Ive slid halfway into a pit of misery to contend with!
I've learned that trying to climb striaght up can lead to further slippage BUT moving sideways (Psychologically speaking, accepting my present position, and seeing what I can get out of it, rather than simply yearning for things to get better) is more doable, and I can at least keep moving even if it isn't immediately upwards. KInda like getting your car out of a muddy sloping field (Glastonbury). You drive sideways and get a feel for the terrain then curve upwards.
BUT. That's a linear slope, depression is more of a cone with ignominious death at the bottom and all the intersting stuff wating for you to figure out how to get to it. You need to go round in circles to gradually improve your position.
The only sad bit for me as I keep screwing my own self out of the pit is seeing people slide past me out of control failing away and screaming. Some times I shout back, teh equivalent of "relax and spead yourslef out" until you stop sliding. Occasionally people listen.
I’m so sorry to hear that you’re feeling this way. It sounds like you’re going through a really tough time, and I want you to know that there are people who care about you and want to help - as you've seen in this thread.
Keep the faith. Things do get better, not always quickly, but things will improve.
If you ever need to chat about anything feel free to PM me.
Sending positive vibes your way.
I appreciate people's input and replies and it's nice to interact with you all but I think most of you misunderstand the situation. My problems are not rooted in alcohol, they're rooted in trauma (mostly from childhood). severe mental illness and I suppose Autism.
If I struggle to communicate with my parents who love me, am terrified of my neighbours drunk or sober, even though they're respectable middle class people, do you not see the problem is much more complex than alcohol?
But there's no point arguing. If people can't see it, we will just have to agree to disagree.
Being in an office never really bothered me before. I could keep myself to myself or interacrt with colleagues without too much stress.
The big thing for me now as a WFH'er is not having to get up early, get ready, endure the nightmare traffic (1.5 hours each way), being at home and able to start my evening as soon as I shutdown the laptop. Plus the considerable saving in fuel.
If you are open with your employer about your ASD you can have a conversation around reasonable adjustments. For me the main adjustment was to reduce my hours from 37.5 to 30 per week. The 1.5 hours diffrence per day makes a massive difference for me (I also struggle with severe fatigue).
In fact, my employer would probably be ok if I wanted to reduce by another hour per day, but 6 hours is working well for me at the moment.
The downside is that my salary has been adjusted inline with my reduced hours.
I cared enough to give you some tools to help you manage people a bit more a few posts ago.
Autism is a double whammy, people do indeed treat you like poo, AND the Autism makes it seem worse than it is sometimes.
And social services and NHS are indeed nothing like as good as the help you could be giving yourself.
Forget all that progressive metro sexual guff they try to tell you and know this:
As a MAN you are designed to take the load. You produce testosterone (probably in smaller amounts than you need right now, due to a range of factors outside of our control) a miracle problem solving hormone. Stop letting this very anti-male society get you down and push you into a corner and tell you there is no place for you. There is as much place for you and the family, that as a man you will create and lead, as you are able to TAKE AND HOLD..
Everything else they tell you is just rubbish.
Despite all that feminism and stuff, it's the smartly turned out, capable guys (It sure helps to be tall, as well) who get all the women, invites, and decent salaries.
As a man you have to work. It doesn't mean you have to have a job (although it sure helps) but you have to be able to create stuff, be a provider, not a drain. To be fair it does not seem to matter to most people HOW you provide, they just expect you to always produce something useful to justify your existence. If you get really good at providing a service far from being "demeaning" (as those who bring nothing to the party themselves often like to claim) finding effective ways to serve and manage yourself, and then other people, is definitely a part of leadership. Even in this "doublethink" society where sexism is decried loudly, you will STILL be expected to BE the MAN.
Guess what....I for one am glad to read this post ..yes you are exactly right about all you say, what people fail to realise is that life for some people is basically *** and the help or trajectory of their life given various socio/economic factors mean they stand *** all chance. ..case in point for example do you think some kid born in a deprived African village where he can't eat because she'll oil poisoned all his rivers and basically butt fu*%Ed the whole village so they can't have any chance is statistical gonna be getting a good job or house etc etc no he is not. It's not as bad in uk granted but there is also a lot of very bad stuff happening here that you don't see and by that I am referring to the shody services and zero help for autism ...hence why do you think Roswell posted this. Yes I know you are angry Roswell and I'm with you as my son going through same thing in fact ie he drank a lot and when his inhibitions down due to the alcohol he came close to attempting suicide...it all came about from the zero help and attrocious way NHS handled his diagnosis of autism everyone failed us schools everything..it took him 5 yrs yes 5 yrs to start to deal with it first he was in denial then he was angry and now he is just depressed and I have had to be on suicide watch...he seems to be coming through it now though. The point I am making here to you Roswell is 1. You are not alone 2 .you have every right to be angry and feel the way you do and 3. The feelings you are experiencing are text book like my son as yes we do go through denial then anger then sadness but anger best place to be as it means you do give a dawn otherwise you'd be in depression and just numb and not care at all. People on here right about the drinking though as it is a Downer it lower inhibitors and a depression causer etc which if you're angry and possibly on the way to getting sad will not be a good combo as I said suicide is a factor you need to watch it can come at you out of nowhere and when tha alcohol kicks in you might d something you regret
If I recall correctly social services were offering you 10 hours a week one to one support if you were willing to give up drinking. That is a generous offer when support is so hard to get. It could potentially be life changing if you get the right person who understands something about autism.
If that offer is still available to you then what have you got to lose by at least giving it a go?
