Published on 12, July, 2020
I'm not a fan of them. Even as a little girl I never got excited for my birthday, in fact the weeks leading up to it were always filled with dread and this is something that's never changed.
My birthday is next month and I'm already dreading it. People keep asking me what I want, should we do a party, am I excited...
It must sound like I'm not grateful, I actually am grateful for the thought and care but as with every year I just want to stay in my room and wait for the day to be over. Everyone fusses and the majority know I don't like my birthday or celebrating but they do it anyway.
If it was a quiet occasion it would be much better and I wouldn't have such a big problem with it but it's never a quiet occasion and by the end of the day I'm always exhausted and nearing a meltdown.
There's still a month to go but I'm anxious already. If I'm really lucky they will forget it this year and I can carry on like normal.
I used to really want to do something big for them, like it was my day where I was considered important for a change, but I've found myself stressing myself over plans more often than not.
I realise as I've gotten older, I don't need a big celebration or whatever. I'd be happy if only the people I kept close cared.
I find birthdays - like Xmas - are the most stressful times of my life. Considering it's only one day I can't help but obsess and feel overwhelmed by panic.