This is sort of related (please excuse the pun) to my previous thread.
Anyone know where I can get any help with relationship please? It was discussed with my former social worker last year; but social services won't deal with me now. They don't understand my issues and have decided that they can't be bothered to help me.
There are a few issues regarding relationships that I really need help with.
Was this previous thread the one about forming a relationship with an NT individual?
You probably need to clarify what sort of relationship you want help with, and also what it has to do with social services no longer helping you.
I suspect social services doesn't really understand the difficulties people with autism experience around relationships, and may be unsympathetic with regard to things an NT considers just a matter of maturity and experience.
Its the old problem of knowing the unwritten rules. To them you shouldn't have to ask some sorts of questions and ought to be able to resolve such "personal" issues yourself. They just wont see how you could have such a difficulty.
There have been books published about relationships and autism. They are a bit of a "mixed bag" - (allusion I think to buying assorted goods in a bag without being able to ascertain the contents before paying, but if so its a good enough metaphor).
I have one or two references on my shelves, hangover from tutoring days. Students will ask tutors about problems of relationships - I must be the last person to ask - but to be honest a lot of it is fairly logical when you see the issues laid out in front of you. For the individual caught up inside one it is much harder to see that - whether NT or person with autism.
From the autism perspective there are a couple of books around - the one I've got is by Genevieve Edmonds and Dean Worton "The Asperger Love Guide - a practical guide for adults with Asperger's syndrome to seeking, establishing and maintaining successful relationships" Paul Chapman Publishing, 2006 (ISBN 1 4129 1910 X - if you give this number to a bookshop they can order a copy for you). It is quite well set out.
I've seen others but haven't the information by me, and there are websites, mostly American ones. I cannot say if they are good or bad. The resources available for people with autism on this subject are few and disappointing.
The thing is "forming relationships" is one of the most written about things on the planet. NTs revel in romantic fiction, romantic films, TV romances, romantic biographies - evidently not getting enough on their own account! There are enough psychology books on it, guides to how to date and mate, magazines are full of it; frankly its all NTs seem to talk about outside of football.
The problem is it is non-verbal. The spoken part is mostly nonsensical, and sense and practicality "go out the window". It is about behaving flirtatiously and reading another's flirtatious behaviour correctly, as people can be deceitful about this. It is all in code and both parties have to be thoroughly conversant with the codes. Even NTs get it wrong a lot of the time.
So how someone with autism is supposed to cope is beyond me, because autism means being bad at most of the techniques involved.
There are services which help with romance for NTs, dating agencies, and on-line relationship based chat rooms and a whole lot more. I don't think what's on offer to people with autism is quite so good.
NAS apparently advises on this. There is a course offered by Dr Stephen Shore under "Schools and Services" then "Training and Consultancy" then "Specialist training" then "Relationships and sexuality". I cannot tell you if it is any good as I'd have to buy the course (£125 plus VAT) and it is aimed at people working with those on the spectrum.
But I did warn you....there's nothing much out there if you've got autism. Plenty for NTs and it still doesn't stop them messing up!
Was this previous thread the one about forming a relationship with an NT individual?
You probably need to clarify what sort of relationship you want help with, and also what it has to do with social services no longer helping you.
I suspect social services doesn't really understand the difficulties people with autism experience around relationships, and may be unsympathetic with regard to things an NT considers just a matter of maturity and experience.
Its the old problem of knowing the unwritten rules. To them you shouldn't have to ask some sorts of questions and ought to be able to resolve such "personal" issues yourself. They just wont see how you could have such a difficulty.
There have been books published about relationships and autism. They are a bit of a "mixed bag" - (allusion I think to buying assorted goods in a bag without being able to ascertain the contents before paying, but if so its a good enough metaphor).
I have one or two references on my shelves, hangover from tutoring days. Students will ask tutors about problems of relationships - I must be the last person to ask - but to be honest a lot of it is fairly logical when you see the issues laid out in front of you. For the individual caught up inside one it is much harder to see that - whether NT or person with autism.
From the autism perspective there are a couple of books around - the one I've got is by Genevieve Edmonds and Dean Worton "The Asperger Love Guide - a practical guide for adults with Asperger's syndrome to seeking, establishing and maintaining successful relationships" Paul Chapman Publishing, 2006 (ISBN 1 4129 1910 X - if you give this number to a bookshop they can order a copy for you). It is quite well set out.
I've seen others but haven't the information by me, and there are websites, mostly American ones. I cannot say if they are good or bad. The resources available for people with autism on this subject are few and disappointing.
The thing is "forming relationships" is one of the most written about things on the planet. NTs revel in romantic fiction, romantic films, TV romances, romantic biographies - evidently not getting enough on their own account! There are enough psychology books on it, guides to how to date and mate, magazines are full of it; frankly its all NTs seem to talk about outside of football.
The problem is it is non-verbal. The spoken part is mostly nonsensical, and sense and practicality "go out the window". It is about behaving flirtatiously and reading another's flirtatious behaviour correctly, as people can be deceitful about this. It is all in code and both parties have to be thoroughly conversant with the codes. Even NTs get it wrong a lot of the time.
So how someone with autism is supposed to cope is beyond me, because autism means being bad at most of the techniques involved.
There are services which help with romance for NTs, dating agencies, and on-line relationship based chat rooms and a whole lot more. I don't think what's on offer to people with autism is quite so good.
NAS apparently advises on this. There is a course offered by Dr Stephen Shore under "Schools and Services" then "Training and Consultancy" then "Specialist training" then "Relationships and sexuality". I cannot tell you if it is any good as I'd have to buy the course (£125 plus VAT) and it is aimed at people working with those on the spectrum.
But I did warn you....there's nothing much out there if you've got autism. Plenty for NTs and it still doesn't stop them messing up!
