This is sort of related (please excuse the pun) to my previous thread.
Anyone know where I can get any help with relationship please? It was discussed with my former social worker last year; but social services won't deal with me now. They don't understand my issues and have decided that they can't be bothered to help me.
There are a few issues regarding relationships that I really need help with.
I just think that the people most needing help with the relationships are the people WITH autism.
Other than professionals working very closely with people markedly affected by autism in care, I'm not sure in what contexts these professionals would be involved in counselling people with autism about relationsips.
Too little spend goes into "Living on the spectrum" - the thread we are in, which is about lifestyles and the practicalities of day to day living.
Our events have to be priced in such a way they cover our costs. To do otherwise would be to take money away from our other services such as our helpline.
This course is promoted to professionals, but there are significantly cheaper seminars we run. If this topic is lacking from those seminars, I can highlight that team responsible. I don't believe we own anywhere large enough to host this. I can't really comment further on the course content, but I can put you in touch with someone who can if you've got concerns.
Ah well, it is at the Imperial Hotel, Russell Square in london, upwards of £92 a night single without breakfast, £145 executive rate with breakfast thrown in.
So although that's for a conference suite for training purposes I bet the room hire is a big portion of the £125. Not that a university venue in London would be that much cheaper, but the point is Russell Square is easily accessible from main line stations. To use a charity office training room could be cheaper but might be harder to get to.
Then there's what you'll learn from this, if you take the moderator's advioce and go along.
You'll get to understand the feelings and physical responses of people with autism in sexual relationships, and increase your understanding of the different levels of their interest in sex (what it says in the blurb!). You'll also understand the social challenges involved in initiating and maintaining sexual relationships for people on the autistic spectrum and develop skills in supporting auties to do this.
Now the second part of that fits in with my understanding that this is difficult for people right across the spectrum, but the first part sounds a little bit too anthropological for me (maybe we need someone like David Attenborough) - either this is a load of rubbish or we're talking about people with very marked autism who really would have difficulties.
Otherwise, I'm trying to get my head around what aspects of autism affect physical responses, unless we are talking about sensory issues, or what are these "levels of interest"?
So I guess the rest of the cost lies in some expensive visual aids, perhaps some naked demonstrators or some exotic (or erotic) foods.
To be honest a lot of conferences are for excutives - people in the health service, or education, or businesses - who go to these things ostensibly to learn what to do to inform their staff (who wouldn't get to go) - and who therefore expect to pay that sort of price and get a nice buffet nosh and decent coffee breaks with individually wrapped biccies thrown in.
I have never understood how a charity is charging for things for the very people it is there for myself.
But then I don't fathom how councils can charge people for services needed as a result of assessments of need either.
£125 plus VAT ? I am reading this right ?
What on earth is all the funding and donations for ? so that NAS can sell courses ?
Am I being too skeptical ? I thought NAS was a charity but it's just a business.
It's like NAS is saying we can help you but it's going to cost even though we already get lots of people giving us money to help you.
For me it was a mixture of my therapist, when I was younger/a teenager, but as I've got older it's just been a case of learning from experience. Everyone has to, no one is born knowing how to have a relationship, just one of those things you have to get as much info on and learn. It can be harder for people on the autistic spectrum because we can lack friendships of our own peer group that could help with learning about relationships. Doesn't mean we can't have relationships because we didn't learn from this, just have to go about it a different way a do what's right for you.
Whilst that course is advertised to professionals, it is open to people on the spectrum.
Dr Shore did let us know he would seek to try and include the experiences of attendees in the seminar and adapt accordingly.
Which as I pointed out five postings up on Wednesday, costs a mere £125 plus VAT, and is designed for professionals working with people on the spectrum. From what I gather it is about those severely affected by autism who cannot manage their sexuality.
Are we supposed to go along to achieve humility as we mild end aspies have nothing really to complain about......?
Rather proves what we keep saying about NAS. Doesn't address stranger's problem.
Apologies if this is unsuitable, but the NAS have an upcoming course of possible interest.
http://www.autism.org.uk/our-services/training-and-consultancy/specialist-training.aspx
20 January 2014, London
This one-day course, presented by Dr Stephen Shore, aims to provide a greater understanding of relationships and sexuality in people with autism.
Presented from the viewpoint of a person diagnosed with autism, participants will gain a greater understanding of the feelings, physical responses, levels of interest in sex, and address the social challenges as well as practical solutions for supporting people across the autism spectrum in the area of sexuality and intimate relationships.
My only option is dating sites, and my support worker will be helping me in the new year to set up a profile and to look for potential soul-mates. It is harder for me because I am also an asexual ***, meaning I am attracted to women but am turned off by anything physical or sexual. I am really looking for a close and intimate relationship between intellectual equals. It is crucial that we share similar interests and outlook on life. I am quite a romantic 
I cannot really make friends in real life, let alone relationships, but dating sites cut out all the confusion because you know exactly what to expect - you can state your intent clearly.
Thanks.
That thread was about my "relationship" with an NT. There have also been a few other issues this year that I really need to learn to deal with:
- I have been friends (not any more and have zero contact with one of them now) with people who appear to have some sort off issue which they take out on me, they both blamed me for their behaviour (I didn't force them to act that way) which set off my depression again. It got to the stage with one where I had to speak to the police who said that his behaviour is ok because he has Autism, therefore, he has no idea what he was doing. Yet, he's high functioning enough to have done everything he's done. I have mentioned the issue with one of the people involved on here.
- I (we are ok for now) also have the issue of having an obsession towards an Aspie. I did post here ages ago and asked for advice. But didn't get any. :(
I think it just boils down to life, there will be NTs with problems that affect their relationships and some autistic people that manage with relationships. There is no rule book.
Was this previous thread the one about forming a relationship with an NT individual?
You probably need to clarify what sort of relationship you want help with, and also what it has to do with social services no longer helping you.
I suspect social services doesn't really understand the difficulties people with autism experience around relationships, and may be unsympathetic with regard to things an NT considers just a matter of maturity and experience.
Its the old problem of knowing the unwritten rules. To them you shouldn't have to ask some sorts of questions and ought to be able to resolve such "personal" issues yourself. They just wont see how you could have such a difficulty.
There have been books published about relationships and autism. They are a bit of a "mixed bag" - (allusion I think to buying assorted goods in a bag without being able to ascertain the contents before paying, but if so its a good enough metaphor).
I have one or two references on my shelves, hangover from tutoring days. Students will ask tutors about problems of relationships - I must be the last person to ask - but to be honest a lot of it is fairly logical when you see the issues laid out in front of you. For the individual caught up inside one it is much harder to see that - whether NT or person with autism.
From the autism perspective there are a couple of books around - the one I've got is by Genevieve Edmonds and Dean Worton "The Asperger Love Guide - a practical guide for adults with Asperger's syndrome to seeking, establishing and maintaining successful relationships" Paul Chapman Publishing, 2006 (ISBN 1 4129 1910 X - if you give this number to a bookshop they can order a copy for you). It is quite well set out.
I've seen others but haven't the information by me, and there are websites, mostly American ones. I cannot say if they are good or bad. The resources available for people with autism on this subject are few and disappointing.
The thing is "forming relationships" is one of the most written about things on the planet. NTs revel in romantic fiction, romantic films, TV romances, romantic biographies - evidently not getting enough on their own account! There are enough psychology books on it, guides to how to date and mate, magazines are full of it; frankly its all NTs seem to talk about outside of football.
The problem is it is non-verbal. The spoken part is mostly nonsensical, and sense and practicality "go out the window". It is about behaving flirtatiously and reading another's flirtatious behaviour correctly, as people can be deceitful about this. It is all in code and both parties have to be thoroughly conversant with the codes. Even NTs get it wrong a lot of the time.
So how someone with autism is supposed to cope is beyond me, because autism means being bad at most of the techniques involved.
There are services which help with romance for NTs, dating agencies, and on-line relationship based chat rooms and a whole lot more. I don't think what's on offer to people with autism is quite so good.
NAS apparently advises on this. There is a course offered by Dr Stephen Shore under "Schools and Services" then "Training and Consultancy" then "Specialist training" then "Relationships and sexuality". I cannot tell you if it is any good as I'd have to buy the course (£125 plus VAT) and it is aimed at people working with those on the spectrum.
But I did warn you....there's nothing much out there if you've got autism. Plenty for NTs and it still doesn't stop them messing up!
I don't think services will help you at all with personal relationships, unless it was a safeguarding matter where you were at risk, even then I don't think they'd be quick off the mark. I don't know where else you could ask, I've not heard anyone ask that before but it seems unlikely.
