Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi no debate tonight I’m afraid. Basically I’m in a relationship with someone and I want more from it I have tried to speed things up but he won’t have it he gets overwhelmed. We both have autism and I’m in my 30s he in his 40s but it works well for us. I have tried hinting we go out for a meal no luck I’ve tried dressing up nice for him he likes it but that’s about it. We kiss on the cheek and hold hands and snuggle up together watch films together eat pizza or Chinese which is nice but I want more. I think this issue is I have been in relationships before but they ended badly and my boyfriend hasn’t been in a relationship at all. We have spoken and we are growing closer he just says he still getting used to having a woman in his life. How can I help him get used to being in a relationship? I have tried and tried different techniques even tried telling him straight I want more but that just caused an overload and he just sent me a very abrupt message back and blocked my number for the day but that has been sorted now and we are arguing less he just tells me now to slow down and to relax. I do want us to work out and I know deep down things will work out as we both are trying to understand one another.
Rach91 said:How can I help him get used to being in a relationship?
It sounds like it is likely to be a long, slow process from what your describe.
He will most likely have issues in opening himself up emotionally and possibly intimately if he has no experience with this before you. It will be a scary prospect of not knowing what is expected of him (nevermind the self confidence required to expose yourself emotionally).
Rach91 said:I do want us to work out and I know deep down things will work out as we both are trying to understand one another.
This does set off some alarm bells for me as it sounds like this lack of fundamental understanding and shared goals is setting poor foundations for the relationship to build on.
I would suggest you take stock of your needs at this stage and decide if the investment (of time, energy and emotional involvement) is worth it for what may be a dead end for you. Unfortunately the chances of you getting the sort of relationship you want may be slim as he will be very set in his ways).
My gut feeling is that you may be better off finding someone more on your wavelength for the relationship as this will remove a lot of hurdles for you and get things moving to the stages you mention.
This may come across as a bit harsh but I'm trying to cut through a lot of the usual niceties that surround relationship advice and get to the core of what I see the issue being - speeding things up as you are suggesting you want in the relationship.
Whatever you decide, I wish you happiness in your future.