Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi no debate tonight I’m afraid. Basically I’m in a relationship with someone and I want more from it I have tried to speed things up but he won’t have it he gets overwhelmed. We both have autism and I’m in my 30s he in his 40s but it works well for us. I have tried hinting we go out for a meal no luck I’ve tried dressing up nice for him he likes it but that’s about it. We kiss on the cheek and hold hands and snuggle up together watch films together eat pizza or Chinese which is nice but I want more. I think this issue is I have been in relationships before but they ended badly and my boyfriend hasn’t been in a relationship at all. We have spoken and we are growing closer he just says he still getting used to having a woman in his life. How can I help him get used to being in a relationship? I have tried and tried different techniques even tried telling him straight I want more but that just caused an overload and he just sent me a very abrupt message back and blocked my number for the day but that has been sorted now and we are arguing less he just tells me now to slow down and to relax. I do want us to work out and I know deep down things will work out as we both are trying to understand one another.
Being his first relationship in his 40s, I can understand him wanting to take things slow. I would try to just be patient and maybe you could try little things at a time. If he gets uncomfortable then give it more time or take a step back, but if hes fine then you could try a bit more, then eventually you could get to the point you want.
But also he may not ever want to do more. Certain types of affection aren't for everyone, and being autistic could make that experience even better or worse than it would be for a NT. If thats the case then hopefully you both could find some middle ground that help you both be comfortable.