Published on 12, July, 2020
I was driving to work this morning thinking about what I have struggled with over the Christmas period and eye contact jumped into my mind.
So I started thinking about why I struggled, but also, what is it used for?
I suddenly realised what it did.
When I was talking to a family member I was really excited and I knew I conveyed that by engaging their eyes, where normally I wouldn't.
So have I struck upon the reason eye contact exists? For the transferal of energy between humans?
I do it when I'm excited, but I now know I may be able to navigate using it to convey other levels of energy I'm experiencing perhaps
This is an interesting one, isn't it? The eyes they say are the window to the soul.
I find eye contact uncomfortable, but like many autistic people my lack of it isn't always noticeable unless you are expert enough to know what you're looking for. I look at people when I'm talking to them in the main, but not into the eyes, mostly the point of focus is around the mouth. It helps me better capture the words and information process other's meaning. Catching the eyes directly is distracting from the verbal content and difficult in many situations.
Yet, there are monumental exceptions and they are to do with genuinely profound intimacy, often devoid of words. Sex, for instance, of course, and flashes of anger, but also tender moments such as when my son was born. When I first held him and his little eyes were struggling to open under the horrid hospital lighting, I so desperately wanted to gaze straight into them and see his soul. There I saw a heart the size of China and brain the size of Kent - I wasn't wrong.
Perhaps the avoidance is because of the intensity of emotion that eyes convey. It is so very often all too much.
That's interesting JT - I've noticed I use eye contact a lot (or, rather, a neurotypical amount) when listening, regardless of whoever I'm listening to, but my variation comes when I'm talking...
If I'm talking about something I have to think about (or, god forbid, anything about emotions or feelings) that's when I avert my eyes. What I've noticed is that the amount they avoid contact depends on who it is I'm speaking to - if it's a loved one, I'm usually pretty good at bringing them back naturally, but if it's a stranger they'll be anywhere but the person I'm talking to and I have to force myself to look at the person again!!