Weirdly proficient at 'imaginary' conversation and voice work, can this be harnessed?

I feel like I've been doing a lot of waffling in self discovery and questions in the barely a week I've been signed up here so far but I have get another subject of waffle that crossed my mind lately.

When thinking about my communication skills, or lack thereof, I've always gone the quiet route and often avoiding saying things. Even online I self censor/don't say anything if it's faster paced live chat and if it's longer paced such as a forum or email I re-read, edit, re-edit, fact check stuff I already know and rewrite about 50 times before hitting send (or just delete the whole post and give up) even though it doesn't likely measurably improve the actual posts quality in the end. I've been somewhat trying to avoid that here but in my attempts to avoid editing or fact checking too much (I still do a bit) I've often opted for just removing paragraphs entirely or just not get started on some subjects/posts at all (probably for the best, less waffle to worry about lol) but it can be annoying how a simple unassuming post could have taken me an hour to write when my typing words per minute is comfortably over 100. One of my most apparent forms of self censorship I'm self aware of is my vocabulary, I find myself dumbing down my vocabulary or Googling words I already *know* what they mean just to be absolutely sure before I hit send.

Anywho, something that's been crossing my mind is when I'm alone, I like to talk to myself as bizzare as that may sound (refreshing to hear my voice for once I guess lol), and I don't necessarily mean specifically talking TO myself but to an imaginary audience or person I know of, like a fantasy conversation. I'm not talking to an imaginary friend, I know full well no one is there, it's more like I'm practicing conversation whenever I'm alone. I don't even think about it, sometimes it's literally just a running commentary of what I'm doing/my feelings of sorts like there's someone watching, like vlogging to myself. Oftentimes the clarity, honesty/self awareness and flow I can have here is scary, talking to myself is sometimes my way of getting things off my chest and acts a bit like a therapist and there's times I've practiced a job interview question seemingly so well (but I get that exact same question in real life and I just can't replicate my imaginary practice session from earlier). Is this especially common in autism to still be able to do that privately?

I've often fantasised about being on a podcast (before they were a dime a dozen these days) and liked to play out those scenarios sometimes knowing full well I'd crumble as soon as I'm given the chance to talk.

I used to be a YouTuber in the early days, my videos were scripted but I actually appealed to a small demographic, saw some healthy natural growth and back then was offered partnerships with the companies that were offering partnerships to gaming content back then such as Machinima (which I rejected because my computer broke around that time so I gave it all up) but I always have an itch to do some kind of similar content, especially (quite bafflingly) voice work specifically. One turn off to jumping back in once I was thrusted away was slowly everything became much more about the person rather than a disembodied voice saying things, people wanted to see and get to know the person behind the voice to succeed and that was out of my comfort plus I was getting less and less time for privacy, and as I had noted in another discussion elsewhere on being observed, having someone else there makes stuff like that impossible for me. Also standards have rose significantly, I feel so inferior and I don't know if I have the creativity or talent to routinely come up with the content/scripts to actually voice nor edit to a high enough standard or manage the project as a whole. It feels like I'd take weeks to make a video someone else would make better and have uploaded lI've five or six of them in that same time. Plus I don't really have a deep or extensive knowledge on anything either.

One thing I have a habit of doing though is going through my gaming collections and talking to myself about the games and my experience with them, what they mean to me in a fairly open and transparent way. With a fair few hundred over my lifetime that is something I could never run out of if I get into doing that via a short form platform like TikTok, a game every other day, summarise, show off the case for a visual so I don't have to show my face. I don't think there's much of an audience for that and it's a dime a dozen but maybe putting it out into the aether could help me build some transitional confidence with speaking publicly being as its a hybrid between privately filmed yet publicly accessible to be seen. I dunno.

Also beginning to wonder, if I were to invest in better microphone equipment whether there's any realistic opportunities in voiceover work in a work from home capacity, scripted stuff like the clickbait top 10 video types where all I have to do is perform the lines behind a screen. Or reading adverts, audio description, whatever. When I did YouTube, bafflingly to me, people seemed to like my voice. I almost won a voice acting competition for a character in a YouTube animated series, but I couldn't commit to the schedule back when I was at college because of timezones.

I don't really know where this went, a bit off the rails, but basically I feel like alone and with no one around I can actually talk decently well and I would love to be able to evolve that into something practical that isn't just me talking to myself when I'm alone like a crazy person. Why can't I seem to just put my practice into the real world, it sucks.