He/him, 21. I really think I screwed up this time…
for awhile, after graduating high school back in 2021 (thank god that’s over), I started working, but also wanting to go to college.
However, things got more stressful at home, like my mom had a neurological event, my dad got a new job running a shop with a friend of his (not hiring anyone atm) but is having a hard time with pay since the shop is still isn’t all that popular.
i started paying bills, alongside my dad, and I felt college was maybe too stressful and too expensive, some people telling me it’s practically a scam if you can figure out life yourself.
i work at a grocery store, and I decided, “let’s keep this resume going, it’s the only job I’ve had and I wanna see if I can get into management”. I went from bagger to cashier in a few months a couple years ago, then recently training at service desk. Unfortunately, I had made a few mistakes here and there a good few times, probably too often but still learning from it, recently not being scheduled as desk just cashier. Didn’t think too much about it but I believe it’s becoming obvious…They haven’t been wanting me to go into the office and organizing and counting money (even tho now I get it). There was a time a few days ago that when the closer was on break, I was about to go home, and another manager told me the closer at desk doesn’t want me in there. And they’ve been kind of on my ass for being in there.
there is a silent demotion going on-
i really screwed up, this is the only job I’ve had, and probably the easier because a lot of other places rejected me here in this area, and now I may get my resume screwed over, and/or I may get fired. Right now, and for the past week, i’ve been angrier at my autism more than ever. This is way angrier than I usually am with my autism. I can’t believe I let myself get to this point where I screwed up a promotion, thinking I can let this resume go without having multiple jobs. But now my resume may end up crappy due to this incident. And I am unsure about going to college. I am just so mad at my autism right now.
people irl for the past few months haven’t been wanting to be around me, I can’t trust anyone on the internet, I feel so lonely and have no one to scream to. I can’t get therapy right now because I still don’t have insurance. I also found out that there are people talking to people that I DO NOT LIKE at all for reasons, including people I considered friends, talking to my cousin that is a manipulative narcissist. End of 2023 isn’t going so well… I’m unsure of what to even do. I feel so cornered, lonely, and the only thing I can blame it on is my dumbass autism. I hate it so much, I wish I was normal… also, I do…smoke… w***. Dont know if I’m allowed to mention that on here but I will say this, I don’t believe that stuff has anything to do with any of this because even before I started doing it, i was the same way. So if anything, quitting will only make things worse. (I normally do not smoke right before work, however)