Published on 12, July, 2020
Possible triggers.
I'm feeling completely overwhelmed.
In the last week
1) I've spent time with my family away from my home.
2) I've stayed in a hotel where I've never stayed before. On my own.
3) I spent a very loud and hectic Christmas day with extended family that I don't know. Trigger .......With a violent soap opera on the TV in the background - pre watershed! So much masking.
4) Trigger..... It would have been my late son's birthday. He took his own life 8 years ago.
5) I received word that my ASD form had been accepted by the assessment team. Lots of emotions!
6) Met up with my brother who I haven't seen in 20 years! Huge anxiety. So much masking.
7) Came home to a letter from the assessment team, which included a questionnaire I need to complete. They will then decide whether I need an assessment or not. I thought I had already been accepted for one.
I'm in bits. No surprise really. But what's really bothering me at the moment, is what if the assessment team reject me. I need recognition. I've struggled my whole life.
Recently learning I'm Autistic feels like a light bulb going on. It explains so much, and allows me to accept myself and my behaviours. Trigger..... Without the recognition, I don't feel like my life can carry on.
I spoke to an out of hours mental health service an hour ago. They don't understand.
How do I get through this ?
I am not suprised that you feel overwhelmed. Im sorry you have had a lot to deal with.You got through it and i would need to rest now. When the time is right and i feel able i would start completing the questionnaire. Take your time with it. Keep going back to it, make notes. Try not to think what if they reject it. It wasnt until i realused that i was autistic that it dawned on me that i was stimming, suffered with overwhelm, need to be on my own etc. So look deep at your habits, behaviour, feelings etc. If the questionnaire doesnt allow you to elaborate then maybe include a supporting letter. Rest is our medicine. I hope you feel better soon x
Thank you.
The letter was dated 19th December. I only got it yesterday, so I've lost 10 days. It needs to be completed and returned within 3 weeks. So a week Tuesday.
I really struggle with this kind of thing. It's like PIP. I know that they are only doing their job, but you have to concentrate on all the stuff that you find difficult. Makes me feel really rubbish about myself and my life.
I'm going to rest. I've got a mountain of washing to do, but I just went down to the communal laundry room, felt overwhelmed and burst into tears.
I wish that the powers that be would just accept, that when they ask you ' what you find difficult?' - you could just write Life ! And they'd get it.
Could you contact them and request an extension explaining the reasons, which are understandable? This would hopefully take a little pressure off.
My washing machine broke 2 weeks ago. In the past I would catastrophes, but I have learnt to say to myself, it can wait, I have enough clothes and stuff to manage for now, and hand wash a few small items x
I'll speak to the services on Tuesday.
Routine keeps me well. And doing my washing is part of that. I think that's why I'm struggling to leave it, and rest.
Hopefully today will be better.