Completely overwhelmed. Possible triggers

Possible triggers.

I'm feeling completely overwhelmed.

In the last week

1) I've spent time with my family away from my home.

2) I've stayed in a hotel where I've never stayed before. On my own.

3) I spent a very loud and hectic Christmas day with extended family that I don't know. Trigger .......With a violent soap opera on the TV in the background - pre watershed! So much masking.

4) Trigger..... It would have been my late son's birthday. He took his own life 8 years ago.

5) I received word that my ASD form had been accepted by the assessment team. Lots of emotions!

6) Met up with my brother who I haven't seen in 20 years! Huge anxiety. So much masking. 

7) Came home to a letter from the assessment team, which included a questionnaire I need to complete. They will then decide whether I need an assessment or not. I thought I had already been accepted for one. 

I'm in bits. No surprise really. But what's really bothering me at the moment, is what if the assessment team reject me. I need recognition. I've struggled my whole life. 

Recently learning I'm Autistic feels like a light bulb going on. It explains so much, and allows me to accept myself and my behaviours. Trigger..... Without the recognition, I don't feel like my life can carry on. 

I spoke to an out of hours mental health service an hour ago. They don't understand. 

How do I get through this ?