Published on 12, July, 2020
Have you ever had to interact with a certain type of autistic person who believes that their autism gives them a right to your silence? As an autistic person myself I find it incredibly irritating.
like many autistic people i’m used to getting comments about ‘you’re shouting’ when I’m not shouting but I’m talking more loudly than people expect. For me Stimming can be something as simple as humming a musical under my breath. Something that is likely to indicate that I’m stressed out. In fact I’m more stressed out I am the more likely I am to be making some kind of ‘noise.’ Humming, tapping, singing etc. and of course what stresses me out more is being told I’m making ‘noise’ and I need to stop or else.
absolutely one of the most offensive things you can possibly do is to tell me I am ‘laughing too loud.’ because to enjoy humour and comedy you have to have a lack of self consciousness and it’s absolutely impossible to have a lack of self consciousness if you are worrying about ‘laughing too loud.’
so to those people who think autism gives them a right to demand quietness, to turn the whole world into a library (and I say it as someone who likes libraries) I have to say to you respectfully no it doesn’t. Here’s a set of earplugs, deal with it.
but in truth what offends me the most is them speaking on my behalf. equating autism with this supersensitivity to sound. A lot of us do not get this. A lot of us struggle with social issues; it is after all one of the defining aspects of autism, and it’s really unhelpful when Neurotypicals get the wrong end of the stick and think that autism is just somehow some sort of super sensitive hearing / touch thing. Because from my point of view the thing Neurotypicals really need to understand is how autism affects social interaction.
that is one of the two major things all autistic people share, issues with social interaction. it’s the aspect Neurotypicals tend to really struggle to get their heads around. It’s really un helpful when people paint this inaccurate picture of the autistic presentation. You know the stereotype. If you’re autistic you’ve got to be really quiet and painfully polite and a real indoors introvert that would rather deal with animals than people. Someone who can’t stand noise and hates a party and is really adverse to confrontation. A completely rubbish stereotype that is completely the opposite of people like me.
The person in the room laughing the loudest at the most inappropriate joke. The person who is always trying to stave off boredom and likes a good party and dancing to loud music. The guy looking to turn the conversation to something interesting and weird because every day life is so banal. It would be nice for me personally if we could have a bit of representation among the autistic community that represents me. It’s bad enough that the media gets it wrong, it’s intolerable when other autistic people present the quiet stereotypes as being authentic.
Peter said:It’s bad enough that the media gets it wrong, it’s intolerable when other autistic people present the quiet stereotypes as being authentic.
Peter said:so to those people who think autism gives them a right to demand quietness, to turn the whole world into a library (and I say it as someone who likes libraries) I have to say to you respectfully no it doesn’t. Here’s a set of earplugs, deal with it.
I will just add here that you don't get 'loud' hours/evenings in supermarkets and places to visit with extra loud noise (LOL) and where the lights are also turned up high.
The changes tend to ?always? be around reducing stimuli.
I don't think that these (hard won) accommodations can be based on a misunderstanding of the facts
You don’t need to you can go to a nightclub. But you do get things like autistic friendly cinema screenings, and one of the things about autistic friendly cinema screenings is if there is a child who making a lot of noise The other parents tend to understand it is because that child is autistic and therefore don’t give the parents grief. So in that sense yes there is a loud version of the cinema screening, where in an environment where you’re normally expected to be reasonably quiet more noise is acceptable.
i’m not saying sensory issues aren’t real. I’m saying quietness as a personality trait is not intrinsic to autism but many people present it as if it is and I find this unhelpful and aggravating because it causes people to think I cannot be autistic. Because it means that my needs and accommodations are not met because they are on the opposite poler end of what people are expecting.
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That's actually different to your OP where you didn't talk about the 'quietness' being a personality trait, for example:
Peter said:Have you ever had to interact with a certain type of autistic person who believes that their autism gives them a right to your silence?
The goalposts have been moved.
Peter said:there are some autistic people to act as if autism validates their personality traits and is deeply and synonymously connected with their personality traits of introversion and an aversion to excitement. people knowingly or more often unknowingly do genuinely present these personality traits as being part of their autism.
How are you managing to distinguish on other peoples' behalf what is autism and what is a personality trait when a lot of us would find it hard to make that distinction themselves?
Peter said:also I’m not convinced that oversensitivity has much to do with quietness. as many have pointed out you can tolerate your own noise much better than others.
It has everything to do with quietness with respect to myself, I can assure you.
I can see how that first sentance might have been missleading. try reading the first post again omitting that first sentance. you see it bears a difrent interpritation. it's not really about people thinking over sensativity gives them a right to silence (although there are some who think that way). It's about 'quiet' autistic people judging you for being 'loud' because they view it as unautistic. You say how can I be sure 'quietness' (as a tempriment) is a personality trate? The same way I view loudness (again as a teprement) as a personality trait. I might as well say 'oh autism makes me loud' as others might say 'autism makes me quiet.' But those two statements are contradictory. Autism can't make some people loud and others quiet unless there is some 3rd factor at play. I humply submit that factor is personality. Maybe autism makes me more loud and you more quiet that we otherwise might have been without autism but autism doesn't make people quiet.
This thread is about autistic people thinking you are faking autism or using autism as an excuse for 'loud' behavior because in their view autism only causes 'quiet' behavior. Or worse leading other non autistic people to think 'loud' behavior is fake autism. Or that 'loud' autism doesn't deserve the same accomodations 'quiet' autism does.
And in most contexts for my posts in this thread you can substitute shy, introverted, pasive, risk adverse etc for quiet and extroverted, opinionated, thrill seeking etc for loud.