Published on 12, July, 2020
My therapist has repeatedly encouraged me to join some kind of club or a meetup group or do a class to get me out of the house and meet people, maybe even make some friends.
I see the point and there are classes I would find interesting, but the thought of going to one of these by myself is just too daunting. I find it difficult not to assume people tend to join these things with a friend and I don’t want to be the weird guy on his own.
Have any of you gone to these things by yourself? Do people really do that?
I am very happy alone overall but its also isolating. some of my solutions have been --
0- avoid competitive activities. Move toward shared experiences so as to have a common interest to talk about..
1- learn a language, have some language exchange friends one on one over the internet. this helped me overcome feelings of visceral fear overall to be with someone and talk for some time with them. It gave me a sense of connection with my exchange partners. we still meet once a week! This also gave me insights into "small" talk! One of my exchange people is autistic it turned out.
2- I joined a gym, started to take an exercise class. It was scary at first with the noise and strangers but I stood in front so I couldn't see them and have headphones till the class begins. The class noise is music, though, and I then use plugs if it's too loud. All the people are focusing on the leader or their own movements and there is nothing else going on, no cross talk. This is true of gyms in general. I discovered it is an ideal place to make friends and feel safe. I believe there is a higher than usual percentage of autistic people at gyms.
3- run away from negative feedback from others. It drained my burgeoning self confidence.
4- I stopped the worry that people would not accept me for myself. it was exhausting and fed #4: they will like me or not, experiment.
5- I realized that many people are baffled by what to do socially, NT and ND. We can be gentle with each other and ourselves, therefore.