Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi,
I told a friend this afternoon about my recent revelation of being autistic. I've known her for years, and I thought she'd be supportive, but she wasn't at all. She questioned why I'd want to have a label. And she also said "well we are all on the spectrum to a degree". I felt she was being distant, and almost dismissive. I tried to explain how this revelation has been positive and is very freeing for me. Our phone conversation has upset me. And I wonder if it's time to move on from this friendship. This isn't the first time she upset me in recent months.
Has anyone else had this experience? I'd like to hear your views.
Justbe said:"well we are all on the spectrum to a degree".
This can be extremely frustrating phrase for an autistic person to hear. I include it on my 'how to make an autistic person angry in 10 words or less' list
The person saying it might believe it is a way to empathise but to the autistic person it comes over as trivialising and dismissing our genuine life struggles. The autistic person hears it as "we all have those struggles but we just get on with it and don't make a fuss".
I think it is mainly down to a fundamental lack of understanding about what the autistic spectrum is. Many people wrongly think that it is linear when it is actually a spiky profile. The best explanation I have found is here:
https://the-art-of-autism.com/understanding-the-spectrum-a-comic-strip-explanation/
Thank you all for your input, advice and links. It's much appreciated. I'm so glad that there is a safe place for me to share. And that I am understood.
I received a message earlier from the friend I mentioned. She clearly has slept on what she said. And it bothered her enough to try and put things right. It wasn't an apology, but it is definitely a step in the right direction