Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello everyone,
As an autsic adult does anyone relate when I say , I feel really comfortable by myself, like my own company but really struggle fitting in and I end up feeling abit isolated.
Does this feel the same for you ?
Yes I feel alone even though with people all day at work as don’t feel understood or heard, I prefer one to one discussions where people can really get to
know me and i them, I can’t communicate in groups at all, I’m quite ‘deep’ and have made some connections with people on same wave length but I do end up being a go to
for emotional support as I listen hard and am supportive but sometimes that can be a drain of my energy and I often think no one cares for me and question intentions as I’ve been vulnerable to being used a lot, I feel
very alone and misunderstood and because I really struggle with social things and noises environments if I do attempt to join in I just feel even more isolated and different, my family do not understand me and I’m left feeling shame if we encounter each other as I’m only met with impatience and misunderstanding from them, I’m exhausted of trying to educate them on my needs and encourage them to engage with me in a manner that makes me feel comfortable, I’m constantly surrounded by people through having to work but I feel completely alone. I get very scared as my dad was autistic and dealt with loneliness through self medication which led to his early death.
I am 57.
My family are all convinced I am not autistic - despite 3 different doctors diagnosing me! I have a few really good friends but am MOST uncomfortable around my family. My brother asked, “IF you are autistic- can’t they fix it?” Omgoodness! You can’t “UN-stupid” people. Hahahaha!
For me…Family is who you have in your inner circle each day rather than blood relatives. Alone scared me also - so I decided to trust that God has a plan and I try to relax and not worry about what is out of my control. This eliminates unnecessary anxiety - for me.
Meds DO help me regulate my impulsivity and filter (AUADHD). Life is much easier this way - for me.
I’d rather be lonely ALONE - than lonely and gossiped about when with my family.