Published on 12, July, 2020
I'm having quite a bad time of late, having being diagnosed autistic 2 weeks ago today. I have been off work sick with "emotional stress" as per my GP's sick note. My intention all along has been that I would return to work the next day, but tomorrow comes and goes. Realistically, I can see myself being signed off all this (3rd) week.
I am so fortunate that I really enjoy my job which is quite specialised in IT and process automation - something that's "right up my street". The problem I am having is extreme anxiety around how I will "slot back in" when I do return, and that is one of the key reasons why I am still off.
What I am finding is that I keep replaying pre-diagnosis scenarios that happened at work.I am very experienced and knowledgeable in what I do; I always see errors being made by less experienced members of the team, but management (no experience in out field) tend to not take notice of my observations. Incidentally, I always offer guidance and resolution to these technical problems, but it is generally ignore as the manager doesn't want to "upset the team dynamic". In other words, the people are making mistakes but are not being "pulled up" on them in case they feel inadequate.
Yes, I know that us ND's can have difficulty with communication and that can (and has) shown in some of my interactions at work. But if nobody else is experienced enough to recognise the mistakes, then how do we resolve this?
What I am wanting to do for when I do return to work is write a piece about autism and how it "shapes" me, so that I can share it with the team to hopefully give them a better understanding about me and not feel threatened or attacked when I do find mistakes in their work. The challenge is to make something concise without being overly cumbersome. I have thought about sharing a couple of 20-30 minute YouTube videos with them, but am concerned that may be asking a bit much from them.
I don’t want to throw a spanner in your works but I would advise caution about who you disclose your diagnosis to and how you do it.
I was diagnosed in the summer and I wanted to be completely open about it and share it with those I work with, with the goal of slightly reshaping how I work.
My line management have actually been quite good about it and have given me space to figure it out, but unfortunately the co-workers I shared it with - people I have been very friendly with for many years - all distanced themselves from me immediately.
The sad truth is nobody wants to know about it or make any kind of accommodation for it.
Sorry you have to go through all that. Perhaps sit down with your manage to discuss it. As long as the people are not being discriminatory, but acting different, just leave them to it. As they would not have been great colleagues in the first place.
I think the key point that has to be understood - and I’ve seen many autistic bloggers make the same point - is that although diagnosis is a massive thing for us, the majority of other people simply will not be interested in any way.
Sorry, but you won’t last very long in any job if you can’t take account of your coworkers feelings. Even if there are issues with their work you have to communicate it in a humane manner.
Your last few posts have been very absolute and internally focused and I really worry that you’re going to massively harm yourself if you take that attitude back to work.
Sorry if this comes across as getting at you, I really am trying to help you.
True, but they will have to become interested as what I do often has an impact on what they do.
If they are producing sub-standard work, then I will not let it go through the checks and measures for which I am responsible. This has always been my MO, but I have been seen as the bad guy in the past, Our manager has seemed to be more interested in maintaining a good team "dynamic" instead of being concerned about the quality of work.
Plain and simple - I will not (cannot) drop my standards. They need to improve what they are doing and stop trying to make me out to be the bad guy or disruptor.