Published on 12, July, 2020
I'm having quite a bad time of late, having being diagnosed autistic 2 weeks ago today. I have been off work sick with "emotional stress" as per my GP's sick note. My intention all along has been that I would return to work the next day, but tomorrow comes and goes. Realistically, I can see myself being signed off all this (3rd) week.
I am so fortunate that I really enjoy my job which is quite specialised in IT and process automation - something that's "right up my street". The problem I am having is extreme anxiety around how I will "slot back in" when I do return, and that is one of the key reasons why I am still off.
What I am finding is that I keep replaying pre-diagnosis scenarios that happened at work.I am very experienced and knowledgeable in what I do; I always see errors being made by less experienced members of the team, but management (no experience in out field) tend to not take notice of my observations. Incidentally, I always offer guidance and resolution to these technical problems, but it is generally ignore as the manager doesn't want to "upset the team dynamic". In other words, the people are making mistakes but are not being "pulled up" on them in case they feel inadequate.
Yes, I know that us ND's can have difficulty with communication and that can (and has) shown in some of my interactions at work. But if nobody else is experienced enough to recognise the mistakes, then how do we resolve this?
What I am wanting to do for when I do return to work is write a piece about autism and how it "shapes" me, so that I can share it with the team to hopefully give them a better understanding about me and not feel threatened or attacked when I do find mistakes in their work. The challenge is to make something concise without being overly cumbersome. I have thought about sharing a couple of 20-30 minute YouTube videos with them, but am concerned that may be asking a bit much from them.
I am 52, I am a registered Social Worker, with Social Work England and work for the Office of the Public Guardian. None of these organisations knew about any of this. I guess I am an absolute expert at masking. But you know what!! I thought well since my diagnosis on 2nd Oct, I feel different about myself, I recognise things about myself and can put understanding towards that. At the end of the day I have come to recognise that 'This me', not just with Autism, Dyslexia, OCD, but the whole me. So people need to understand that. I am not asking for people to bend over backwards to treat me in a way that is preferential, but to recognise my differences. I think that is how you should be towards this. I am not asking you to feel or do, but just to ease that pressure of disclosure, which is not an easy thing to do. I have told all these organisaitons and the support I am getting is fantastic. I have come to realise that I am this way and have always been, it does not take a piece of paper with a diagnosis to tell me that, but gives me an explanation of why I am a certain way and filled in the blanks.
Let's not forget the Equality Act and organisations, where reasonable have to make adjustments.