Published on 12, July, 2020
Is it just me or do others get upset / triggered / frustrated/ uncomfortable when someone says or writes one of the following or similar…
I have no doubt that their intentions are good and mean no harm. BUT the problem is that it kind of winds me up. I mean, it’s not like having a cold or virus that you probably would feel much better after a week or so. I find this particularly irksome in the work environment - eg when you contact work to say that you’re struggling and will not be working today.
Am I being overly sensitive? Am I interpreting their good intended words TOO literally? Is there a suitable response to better inform them? Is this really an autistic thing or maybe just me?
I just get would up by those who say 'were all a bit autistic' my wife has been guilty of that.
Absolutely - something like a cold, the flu, even COVID you typically will recover / get better / feel better. Autism on the other hand is something that you are born with and will live your whole life with - there is no "getting better" to it.
Now as we all know, we have good days and bad days - even NT's have these. But in our context, the struggle is that the good / bad are very much influenced by our "condition". So maybe "hope you feel better" isn't so bad after all, but maybe in my autistic mind something like "I hope that you have a better day tomorrow". I guess its all semantics anyway..
It's a matter of context, as you say. "Get well soon" is an inappropriate thing to say about something that isn't actually an illness (e.g. autism) or something which isn't something that can be easily treated (chronic illness). Even with something like cancer I feel it can trivialise it.
I don't mind it if I've been 'normie sick'; I had covid recently and felt okay about people saying "get well soon" because it was something I hoped to recover from (and I did, luckily). But I find it extremely irritating to hear "get well soon" when I'm talking to someone about chronic illness, because it feels like they've either ignored or misunderstood me.
I think I would be really cross if someone said this kind of thing about me being autistic- it's not a disease to recover from, it's a normal variation on the human brain. It can be difficult to live with at times but it's literally part of what makes me 'me'.
What would you prefer for people to say to you instead of these sentences that make you feel aggravated? And then can you let these people know, so that moving forward, they can say something that won't make you feel worse?
GPK26 said:Am I being overly sensitive? Am I interpreting their good intended words TOO literally? Is there a suitable response to better inform them? Is this really an autistic thing or maybe just me?
A lot of people (myself included) do fall onto these sayings when someone's unwell or struggling in any way because we don't know what else we should say. I don't personally believe in being too sensitive, if you don't like it you don't like and that's perfectly fine.
Admittedly "get well soon" or a variation of that ("sorry to hear that" too) is my go-to response too. "I hope it eases" is one I often use.
I don't know what the alternative is when someone tells you that they're not well and you don't actually know them personally.
I guess it depends on the situation. It's probably fine if you do have a cold or something. If it's a mental health situation then you probably want something different but I don't know what exactly.