Published on 12, July, 2020
I am on the autism spectrum and I know those on the autism spectrum are often said to be socially awkward and have difficulty making friends.I was reflecting on this in the context of making eye contact and I know those on the autism spectrum often have difficulty making eye contact, as I do.Why I reflected on both was my feeling that reliable social contact with others may be guided by differences in how neurotypical people feel about social behaviours. For example, I notice I don't make eye contact because I find it incredibly uncomfortable to look somebody in the eye. I'd rather look just about anywhere else.But that then to me implies it's as much a feelings thing as a skills thing. I don't avoid eye contact because I don't know how to look into people's eyes, I avoid eye contact because I find it extremely uncomfortable.If you are on the autism spectrum will you please reply by writing something how you feel about eye contact and will you also write something more about what your theory is about social skills but also what the differences are between neurotypical people and those on the autism spectrum while we each try to be sociable? So, eye contact and being sociable, go! :)
Meeting and talking to people socially is a big drain and causes anxiety, eye contact is like someone looking into my soul. I’ve been changing the “rules” of what’s expected from me. Eye contact is only when I want to, not because I have to. Smiles are for when I mean it, not because it’s expected of me. I don’t need to earn someones friendship.
The being sociable part is because we have observed it since young and think we can emulate their behaviour to fit in. We can become very good at it but eventually do something different that is deemed strange. If I’m honest, as an adult, boredom sets in and even retaining a friendship becomes secondary to my needs.
For most autistic people, time alone isn’t being unsociable, I sometimes observe neurotypical groups of people, they seem to crave being part of a group and vie for attention. Their rules seem far too complicated. I don’t obviously speak for all but that urge has never been in me. I’m more than happy just “people watching “.