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He wants to be friends. I don't. Advice please?

stranger

I will get my friend to have a word with him. But could do with some advice:

Met someone at a running group last year and we got talking and I said was studying Law. He then said I could help with the issues he's having with the police. I am in no way trained to do this. Nor am I actually aware of the issues.

A few months later, he suggested we meet up for coffee, which I said was ok and gave him my number. He wouldn't stop texting me and leaving me voicemails, despite me asking him 3 times to stop it. He claimed he couldn't help because of his OCD. I then told him we're not meeting up. (partly because of that and because I'd made last minute plans)

I then saw him a few days later and we were with other people and he wouldn't leave me alone. I couldn't really say anything because we were with others.

My friend told me that he was told what was going on and said he's done it to others before.

I was then informed that he'd been sectioned (at one point, he blamed me for his depression and OCD - something he says he's had for years now) and was told if any of us do decide to see him, we shouldn't go on our own. I never went to see him.

He was then released from the hospital and joined up with the running group. He's now acting as though nothing's happened and that we're friends. I don't want to be friends with him. I don't want to be friends with someone who treated me the way he did.

I posted this somewhere else and was told if I'm civil towards him, (which was the plan) he may take it the wrong way and think we're friends.

Advice please?

Parents

  • People like that "befriend" anyone who appears to give them any hope of something coming from it. They seek friendships that are one sided, but do not learn that it involves two way interaction.

    It intrigues me that that is sometimes attributed to autism, citing the same rather obscure examples rather often - one being the young man prompted to give a girl he was being friendly with a birthday present, saying if she gives me the money I'll buy her it. I could see that as literal understanding but it is used to illustrate selfishness in people on the spectrum. I wonder if there is any real evidence that sort of thing happens.

    With people who try to impose their friendship when it isn't one you'd want, you just do what IntenseWorld suggested - ignore them - it won't be easy,  but its the only way.

    Exactly why such people occur, I don't know, as it is such a socially unrewarding strategy. Sometimes it indicates a desire to control and bully, for which they look for receptive subjects. You just have to be tough and give them not the slightest scope to affect you.

    If that means being cruel or harsh, you have to consider whether if such a person did get into your life, would he hold back on being cruel or harsh towards you, and on a much larger and more destructive scale?

    Also if you find you need to get the police to intervene on the grounds of stalking or harrassment, the more evidence you have that you have not given any encouragement, but rather ingnored him, the better. Keep a diary of these incidents, including any witnesses to incidents.

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  • People like that "befriend" anyone who appears to give them any hope of something coming from it. They seek friendships that are one sided, but do not learn that it involves two way interaction.

    It intrigues me that that is sometimes attributed to autism, citing the same rather obscure examples rather often - one being the young man prompted to give a girl he was being friendly with a birthday present, saying if she gives me the money I'll buy her it. I could see that as literal understanding but it is used to illustrate selfishness in people on the spectrum. I wonder if there is any real evidence that sort of thing happens.

    With people who try to impose their friendship when it isn't one you'd want, you just do what IntenseWorld suggested - ignore them - it won't be easy,  but its the only way.

    Exactly why such people occur, I don't know, as it is such a socially unrewarding strategy. Sometimes it indicates a desire to control and bully, for which they look for receptive subjects. You just have to be tough and give them not the slightest scope to affect you.

    If that means being cruel or harsh, you have to consider whether if such a person did get into your life, would he hold back on being cruel or harsh towards you, and on a much larger and more destructive scale?

    Also if you find you need to get the police to intervene on the grounds of stalking or harrassment, the more evidence you have that you have not given any encouragement, but rather ingnored him, the better. Keep a diary of these incidents, including any witnesses to incidents.

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