Published on 12, July, 2020
I was feeling brave the other day so I decided to push the boat and when the postman knocked on the door I answered it. I didn’t want to who does?
It’s a stranger at the door
In seconds my brain had created loads of negative scenariosWhat if the postman is ill and I get ill?What if I he comments on me?What if I faint?What if he starts talking and I have to commit to a conversation?
This and more was going through my head
Before I reached the door I was filled with terrible anxiety, my stomach became swollen and painful, chest hurt, heart racing and I was feeling sweaty like I had a fever
But like a crazy person I answered the door anyway
Guess I was expecting it to go well for some weird reason
it was the postman. he had a parcel and some letters. He asked the name and I said yes
And then he decided to make small talk. Nice weather isn’t it. Looking back now I’m guessing this was a humour statement as it’s clearly not nice weather
at the time I said no and then fearing he was going to say something again and I was really starting to feel ill by now I said bye and closed the door
The look he gave me as the door closed was... I don’t know not a nice look
He probably thought me an arrogant and rude woma jad he seen what took place after he wouldn’t have thought that hope not anyway
Afterwards I fell to pieces. Crying and shaking I was sick twice. And now I’m left feeling totally exhausted and my body is aching all over
My muscles are tense painful headache like someone’s squeezing my head
I went from feeling brave and confident answering the door to feeling overwhelmed by anxiety and feeling a complete failure
Confidence shattered in a heartbeat
Now in bed resting and feeling terrible online I can be so sociable feel happy calm and safe
In person I’m shy and awkward.
Times like this I feel nothing but hate towards myself
This was days ago and I'm still tired and aching. It's like a bomb goes off in me and my body has to heal again after.
I'm going to rest again now I'm super tired right now x
I hope you're recovered from the meltdown.
My anxious brain can create loads of negative scenarios too, especially if it is an unexpected knock at the door. I'm fine with answering if I'm expecting it but anything unexpected and I'm immediately in panic mode. I hate it when the postman asks me to take a parcel for a neighbour, then I have to spend the rest of the day anxiously waiting for another knock on the door and another uncomfortable social interaction when the neighbour comes to collect it.
Why can't our brains come up with something useful instead of so many reasons to be anxious For example creative and amusing reasons why you can't stand at the door chatting to the postman and have to rush back to finish that incredibly important task
Seriously I'm sure he never gave the matter another thought and encounters far worse on his daily rounds. You did very well to answer, so try not to let the experience put you off doing so again.
Autonomistic said:I'm fine with answering if I'm expecting it but anything unexpected and I'm immediately in panic mode.
I just had an unexpected knock at the door whilst reading this thread. What did I do? I didn't answer