I was about 22/23 when I was diagnosed (not officially, only because there were no services anywhere near me that did diagnosing for adults), but by that time I had gone through school and the workplace putting on a brave face feeling like any issues I had could just be 'overcome' the more I tried. I've had no problem getting jobs, mainly because I work hard and will take anything that is paid work. I ended up taking a retail job because I felt I needed to learn more social skills, but even after 6 years I still couldn't understand the point of 'small talk'. Now that I've been told that the way I am is not wrong, it's because I'm autistic, everyting in my life makes sense and I'm now not afraid to be who I am meant to be, not what others are trying to make me.
As being a typical aspie girl I enjoy my own company (but I do like having select people around me who don't make me feel uncomfortable, which is not many people), good attention to detail, strong interests, etc. I love science and problem solving, and it's taken me some time to admit that, because I felt as being a female I had to like working in retail and watch things like Big Brother and Coronation street is what I had to do to fit into society. But, with all the bullying I endured in school, and with the years of my teachers calling me disruptive and stupid, I've lost all confidence. I was told never to apply for university as it would've been a waste of time for me. But, now I believe it was the 'telling the fish to climb a tree situation'. You're telling the fish to climb a tree, something it obviously cannot do, so the fish then believes it is stupid and useless because it cannot climb this tree. But it's not meant to! I can't believe so many people called me stupid in school. I might not be able to write essays very well, but bring up a conversation about astronomical units, the periodic table, the Higgs Boson, or electron atom orbital structure, and I will talk for ages.
I shouldn't really complain, as I am in a job now. I work on an IT helpdesk. But, the main problem is I have to answer the phone a lot and fix computers. I've realised I'm only in the job because I can do it, not because I like it, and answering the phone all day and constantly around people so it makes me not want to go to work sometimes.
I'm 26 now. Is it too late to investigate something else? The problem is I'm fascinated with most things to do with science so it's hard to focus on only one thing, but as I was diagnosed later on in life I feel like I should just keep my brave face on and just try and cope with this job the best I can, but I really want to challenge myself. But, I feel the pressure of society whispering 'stay with your "proper job"'. My line manager knows about the autistic issues so I really only cover the phone when other staff are on holiday now, which helps a lot. But I'm still in that 'I should be normal' frame of mind, and I don't like accepting help, even though I need it.
Is there a job where I can read quantum mechanics textbooks and do chemistry experiments all day? lol. I wish.
