Alone

Hello NAS89458, I am Number.

Yes I can relate to what you have written above.

I am also "high masking" (in your words) and have suffered from protracted periods of burnout that have lasted years and involved being wholly "hollow", hopeless and self-loathing.  Feeling "so alone" is second nature to me, even in the good times.

Life can be very hard sister, sometimes it feels far too hard to bear.....but more importantly, it seems almost pointless to even TRY and bear...because what is the point?!

I have never read anyone here say that there is an easy or immediate fix to your woes......but I have read PLENTY of people on here report how they somehow managed to crawl back up from inside that dark hopeless hole.  A more functional and optimistic state of mind is available to you.....but perhaps not quite just yet.  It is worth waiting for.....you just need to retain some sanity for long enough.

Do not give up on yourself nor on life in general.  I'm living proof that quitting when it is REALLY dark is the wrong decision.

Don't start trying to address ALL your woes in one go....it can take a long time to recover.

Personally, I needed to start REALLY small....in order to get myself better.  I rested a hell of a lot, but I also did just one thing everyday that made that day feel worthwhile.  Sometimes, that was just a walk by myself, sometimes a tiny bit of interaction with another human, sometimes I learned something new etc.  Gradually, you find yourself in a better position - even though you can't really put your finger on why.  From that point, you can continue making progress, and probably at a faster rate.........but PLEASE start small - but definite.

I hope you may find this place useful too.  I think I may have been able to get better much quicker if I had known of, and had access to, some of the truly wise and wonderful souls that creep about in this place.

Anyways, I hope the above makes you feel a little less alone.  I am with you in spirit sister.  Stay sane.  It gets better.

Kindest regards

Number.

Hello NAS89458, I am Number.

Yes I can relate to what you have written above.

I am also "high masking" (in your words) and have suffered from protracted periods of burnout that have lasted years and involved being wholly "hollow", hopeless and self-loathing.  Feeling "so alone" is second nature to me, even in the good times.

Life can be very hard sister, sometimes it feels far too hard to bear.....but more importantly, it seems almost pointless to even TRY and bear...because what is the point?!

I have never read anyone here say that there is an easy or immediate fix to your woes......but I have read PLENTY of people on here report how they somehow managed to crawl back up from inside that dark hopeless hole.  A more functional and optimistic state of mind is available to you.....but perhaps not quite just yet.  It is worth waiting for.....you just need to retain some sanity for long enough.

Do not give up on yourself nor on life in general.  I'm living proof that quitting when it is REALLY dark is the wrong decision.

Don't start trying to address ALL your woes in one go....it can take a long time to recover.

Personally, I needed to start REALLY small....in order to get myself better.  I rested a hell of a lot, but I also did just one thing everyday that made that day feel worthwhile.  Sometimes, that was just a walk by myself, sometimes a tiny bit of interaction with another human, sometimes I learned something new etc.  Gradually, you find yourself in a better position - even though you can't really put your finger on why.  From that point, you can continue making progress, and probably at a faster rate.........but PLEASE start small - but definite.

I hope you may find this place useful too.  I think I may have been able to get better much quicker if I had known of, and had access to, some of the truly wise and wonderful souls that creep about in this place.

Anyways, I hope the above makes you feel a little less alone.  I am with you in spirit sister.  Stay sane.  It gets better.

Kindest regards

Number.