Published on 12, July, 2020
I was fired up last night (which continued on to this morning) and decided to type up some apology 'letters' for the friends that I let down and hurt. I just put all my feelings down and didn't let myself get bogged down by grammar and sentence structure in the way I would have done in the past. I've talked about how bad I felt, the things I realise were hurtful to them and how much I want to do better.
I tried to approach it from a perspective of "I'll write this to get my feelings down but I won't send it". Maybe I will one day, but I do fear that it will make things worse.
I reached out to a few a couple months ago but didn't hear back. Probably because the message I wrote was so pathetically vague that it didn't display any actual learning. It was literally me going "I really valued our friendship and would be keen to have a conversation".
For you as an individual, what do you consider to be an apology that you would accept?
1. Don't blame other people for how you made them feel, no "I'm sorry you felt offended" use "I'm sorry what I said was offensive" instead. And don't use the word "but" after that phrase, do not say "I'm sorry what I said was offensive but I will try to do better and to learn from this" instead use a "," and say "I'm sorry what I said was offensive, I will try to do better and to learn from this."If you can't avoid the word "but" use "however" instead.2. If you feel like you have to explain make sure you say clearly that those are only reasons not excuses for what happened. 3. Don't ask for forgiveness, it looks like you just want to be off the hook for your own comfort, say something like "I don't expect your forgiveness, what I did was wrong, but if you ever want to talk to me again I'd be open to that."4. And don't make it about you, keep the whole thing less than 8-10 lines on a word document max and keep the explaination short, it should be no more than half of the whole thing in total. If it isn't totally essential information cut it out from the draft and save it for if you have a conversation with them at a later date. This means keep stuff like "I was not at my best when I wrote what I said as I was tired and had poor executive function" DO NOT add "because" and then 3 more sentences. You are giving the other person an apology not an essay that could peeve them off more in having to spend a lot of time to read it.
Love that meme, so accurate!