Published on 12, July, 2020
I was fired up last night (which continued on to this morning) and decided to type up some apology 'letters' for the friends that I let down and hurt. I just put all my feelings down and didn't let myself get bogged down by grammar and sentence structure in the way I would have done in the past. I've talked about how bad I felt, the things I realise were hurtful to them and how much I want to do better.
I tried to approach it from a perspective of "I'll write this to get my feelings down but I won't send it". Maybe I will one day, but I do fear that it will make things worse.
I reached out to a few a couple months ago but didn't hear back. Probably because the message I wrote was so pathetically vague that it didn't display any actual learning. It was literally me going "I really valued our friendship and would be keen to have a conversation".
For you as an individual, what do you consider to be an apology that you would accept?
HMO said: I just put all my feelings down and didn't let myself get bogged down by grammar and sentence structure
A good apology has four elements:
1 - Acknowledge the offense2 - Provide an explanation3 - Express remorse4 - Make amends
It needs to be sincere and heartfelt, at least as much as you can manage (many autists struggle with this so don't dwell on it if you struggle).
If you want more detail on this, it is well explaned here: https://ggia.berkeley.edu/practice/making_an_effective_apology
You need to be prepared that depending on the severity of the offence, your friends may not want to reply or even refuse to forgive you. In this case you have be be ready to accept that with grace and move on.
Also, don't keep apologising, If this is your 5th attempt or whatever then that ship has sailed and you are now harrassing them, Let it go and treat it as a valuable life lesson and don't repeat the mistake you made.