Published on 12, July, 2020
This is a bit of a heavy question, but have any of you found that you don’t grieve normally?
My dad died of Covid at the height of the delta wave, a week before the vaccinations started. Everyone around me was upset, crying at the funeral etc but I felt nothing at all and have never grieved. For me he was there and now he isn’t. The only thing I feel is disappointment in myself for not being more upset.
But I have since read that autistic people may not experience grief in the same way as neurotypicals. I can’t help likening it to the way I forget to speak to family and friends for months at a time. If people aren’t physically in front of me I don’t really think about them very much.
Ironically, I’m 100% certain that my dad was autistic too. He was a remarkably unsentimental man who would probably be irritated that I worry about this.
When my mother died I felt completely overwhelmed and unable to function for well for lots of different things.
I became very needy and attention seeking. I always wanted other people’s time and company. I couldn’t sleep until I was exhausted, I would fall asleep on the sofa every night and wake up with a DVD back on the title menu. I definitely felt sadness and grief I just didn’t always know how to express it. Or maybe I felt I didn’t have a safe place to express it.
at that point in time I just need The world to stop, just stop expecting anything of me, demanding anything of me. of course this didn’t last forever
My mum's death was the only passing which hit me, personally. After that, I was prescribed Citalopram. I believe that it exacerbated my anxiety.