Published on 12, July, 2020
This is a bit of a heavy question, but have any of you found that you don’t grieve normally?
My dad died of Covid at the height of the delta wave, a week before the vaccinations started. Everyone around me was upset, crying at the funeral etc but I felt nothing at all and have never grieved. For me he was there and now he isn’t. The only thing I feel is disappointment in myself for not being more upset.
But I have since read that autistic people may not experience grief in the same way as neurotypicals. I can’t help likening it to the way I forget to speak to family and friends for months at a time. If people aren’t physically in front of me I don’t really think about them very much.
Ironically, I’m 100% certain that my dad was autistic too. He was a remarkably unsentimental man who would probably be irritated that I worry about this.
When my mother died I felt completely overwhelmed and unable to function for well for lots of different things.
I became very needy and attention seeking. I always wanted other people’s time and company. I couldn’t sleep until I was exhausted, I would fall asleep on the sofa every night and wake up with a DVD back on the title menu. I definitely felt sadness and grief I just didn’t always know how to express it. Or maybe I felt I didn’t have a safe place to express it.
at that point in time I just need The world to stop, just stop expecting anything of me, demanding anything of me. of course this didn’t last forever
I’m sorry to hear that Peter. I hope you’re finding things easier now.
i spent most of my life fearing that I would collapse in a heap when this happened so I can empathise.