Published on 12, July, 2020
This is a bit of a heavy question, but have any of you found that you don’t grieve normally?
My dad died of Covid at the height of the delta wave, a week before the vaccinations started. Everyone around me was upset, crying at the funeral etc but I felt nothing at all and have never grieved. For me he was there and now he isn’t. The only thing I feel is disappointment in myself for not being more upset.
But I have since read that autistic people may not experience grief in the same way as neurotypicals. I can’t help likening it to the way I forget to speak to family and friends for months at a time. If people aren’t physically in front of me I don’t really think about them very much.
Ironically, I’m 100% certain that my dad was autistic too. He was a remarkably unsentimental man who would probably be irritated that I worry about this.
Everyone experiences and processes grief differently. Being ND just adds another layer. If you have alexithymia those feelings maybe there but you don't recognise them let alone how to begin to process them.
I find "friends" and family challenging, they just "feel" like people I know well and that I'm relatively comfortable with. It's seems wrong as society seems to say that your supposed to actively care and show emotions.
Give yourself time.