Published on 12, July, 2020
My life is falling apart. I am a delusional, broken failure.
A lot of struggle and failing which also led to a lot of self loathing and hatred.
Single most of my life, just been made redundant and the whole unmasking (AuDHD) at 45 isn't any fun.
I have friends, which tbh, makes the whole ending it even harder. But they will leave me / forget me soon enough. I just need to deactivate my FB account and just stop socialising.
Life sucks so much and it is unfair.
I am apparently very intelligent, but that doesn't' help. Some say I am pretty, but that doesn't help either.
I don't have any answers, just empathy. I have often felt like this myself. I agree with everyone else here: you are going through a major life change which would be hard for anyone, let alone an autistic. You need to give yourself time to adjust before you make any irreversible decisions. And please don't cut yourself off from your friends unnecessarily!
Are you open to talking therapy? I found it can be helpful to process feelings at times of crisis, even though the start of therapy can be hard for an autistic.
Things can get better. I was single almost all my life too, but I got married earlier this year, two months short of my fortieth birthday. It can happen. Please be kind to yourself. The negative thoughts are just that -- thoughts. They don't reflect reality.