Published on 12, July, 2020
My life is falling apart. I am a delusional, broken failure.
A lot of struggle and failing which also led to a lot of self loathing and hatred.
Single most of my life, just been made redundant and the whole unmasking (AuDHD) at 45 isn't any fun.
I have friends, which tbh, makes the whole ending it even harder. But they will leave me / forget me soon enough. I just need to deactivate my FB account and just stop socialising.
Life sucks so much and it is unfair.
I am apparently very intelligent, but that doesn't' help. Some say I am pretty, but that doesn't help either.
You state that you have tried to get away from that company for years and failed. Now you have been made redundant it has forced upon you that change that so many autists dread. It doesn't have to be a bad thing and could well be an opportunity for positive change. Especially if that job was making you so unhappy you had to rely on meds to get through it.
Being single doesn't have to be a negative thing either. I have been eternally single and it comes with a freedom to live your life exactly how you want to.
Please don't give up. If your diagnosis is recent you may have hit a dip on the post diagnosis emotional rollercoaster. I've been there and it does get better, even though you can't see that at the time.