Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi thanks for taking the time to read this post, I'm 28 and got diagnosed with autism 2 years ago been getting help from the NHS giving me a depot injection for 2 and a half years ive just came to the end of this now! (Thank someone for that!)
Anyways,
Ever since I was a child I've always had quite a destructive personality if it be breaking things after having uncontrollable meltdowns in my younger days. I still have these meltdowns to this day breaking things and it's just getting worse and worse as the days go by, Nothing is changing its just getting worse.
I've paid off over £10,000 at LEAST in my dads name for items i have gotten on finance from different shops throughout the years none of this was paid off in my name as when I was 18 I managed to get myself payday loans and credit cards for stupid silly amounts of 200 pound here and there which has absolutely ruined me for the future.
I destroy everything I own, controllers for consoles, consoles themselves, mice for pc, keyboards, tvs, phones anything to do with technology I just have a rotten relationship with and can't seem to undo any of that at all. I mean hey I've even put my pc in the bath filled it up with water and watched £1000 swim in water in my tub. I mean to the literal form of having a phone worth 300 pounds for a week and smashing it into pieces by the end of that very week. I hate mobile phones, it's causing me nothing but pain but who in 2023 doesn't own a mobile phone? Not many people.
I get really upset and literally to the point where I can't move out of my bed I wake up and it's sunrise and I stay in bed right until its night time. I watch people and kids go to school everyday passing my house and I see them go past and I wonder to myself in that time they've progressed bettered themselves and even learnt new things, meanwhile I'm in a state of depression in my bed can't move my legs literally are wasting away I'm obese and I can't get out of this mess.
What it boils down now is that for about 4 months now I've literally sat in silence all day everyday for multiple hours at a time watching daylight come and go all from the same spot in my bed, depressing right? I live alone so there's no stimulating noises around me apart from when the kids kick the football into my garden and set the dogs off which triggers the living life out of me. It's everyday and they're really not nice children, but saying that do many autistic people like kids? I'm not fond. They make me annoyed and just make loud noises all of the time it's straight up scary.
I can't afford anything due to my financial situation and I live in a dump. I'm in debt and I'm really sick of my life.
I have days like this especially when my routine is interrupted by something or someone!
It can be daunting but create a plan for the next day the day before, think about the things you need to do and also what you would like to achieve.
If you have a reason not to stay in bed and in silence hopefully you will not feel that is what you need to do.
Also, you should be eligible to receive personal independence payments which will help with your financial situation, speak to citizens advice and get some support with completing the application.
Wish you all the best