Published on 12, July, 2020
What has helped you?
Age? I'm 26 but I feel older and younger at the same time.
I want to go back to how I was prior to my teenage years. I've internalised a lot of not very nice things. I'm working through it in therapy.
It's weird. I don't care what people think about my (somewhat uncool) interests but I do care what they think about my appearance and personality.
I do want people to like me but I will admit to taking that and running a mile.
HMO said:I'm 26 but I feel older and younger at the same time.
HMO said:I want to go back to how I was prior to my teenage years. I've internalised a lot of not very nice things.
It's a funny coincidence I Sperg said something about his twenties being not very pleasant just the other day and I thought, odd, that was me too. But then I realised it's probably a very common experience for us autistic folk actually because we have extra issues on top of the other things I think it contributes to us struggling to find our feet in the adult world that bit longer than most neurotypicals.
I THINK it's because we hit the uber competitive time in human life, where you literally have to struggle to get established in direct competition with everyone else, and we simply don't do well in that sort of environment.
I noticed that the twenties to thirties period was where a lot of my beautiful, idealistic friends simply died inside and became focussed entirely on moving bits of paper about, for the benefit of the banking class, and collecting (and regularly replacing) new objects.
There was a very real sensation of losing touch with a lot of people, as they simply were not interested in "wasting time" with the likes of me during that period.
It seemed like they all entered lives of resentful servitude disguised as empowerment, both at the time and indeed, still on current observation.
Although it's been hard, I now thank my Autism for preventing me form being fully "assimilated" even though I tried at the time...
Yeah, I don't think I ever found my feet and I don't know if I will. I'm only just getting round to processing it and a horrible thing had to happen first.
It's weird because I feel like a child with the amount of help I need but I used to think I was more grown up than my peers at 16/17 at sixth form because I was just knuckling down and working (and struggling!).