Published on 12, July, 2020
I've always been a bit funny with this. On the one hand, in the past I became a bit needy. Needing interaction with friends constantly, texting constantly and so on.
However, I've almost always done things on my own. I go cycling and 99% of my rides have been on my own. I usually go into town on my own. I've been to the cinema on my own. I've driven to London on my own. I went to a concert at bloody Wembley Stadium on my own.
I know I can do it, but I don't really want to. I feel vulnerable and exposed and small. However, I feel I'm being difficult if I ask anyone to come with me.
I have no idea how neurotypicals can make these plans seemingly very easily. Every time I try and make a plan to meet up with someone it stresses me out so badly - some of that is often self inflicted but it takes the shine off what often turns out to be a nice day out with a friend. I usually put myself under the pressure to organise it entirely myself rather than being honest about the fact I could do with cooperation from the other person.
I don't know if I'm being unreasonable.
I think that if you can be good at being alone, then that can make life a lot easier.
I'm pretty self-contained and lived alone from my mid twenties until my mid forties apart from a couple of short times with a partner.
Going to restaurants etc alone doesn't bother me at all but then now I'm in my 6th decade, that makes a difference.
When I did these things when I was younger, I did tend to be looked at more than I'd like.
I don't like shopping with other people, in fact I hate it.
I think probably the ability to be very comfortable alone is a blessing.
I have a friend who can't bear being alone and she turns to me when her husband is absent.
I find it hard to understand but I'm accommodating.
Perhaps the more things you do alone, the more you will be able to.
All the best.
There's a lot of things I'd prefer to do on my own and I don't necessarily mind but it doesn't feel right.
At some point a stranger will come up to me out of nowhere and I'll completely freeze up and I could get hurt. That's what worries me.
HMO said:Thousands of people on Twitter calling me every name under the sun (it was something I did) has definitely heightened it,
Doing daft things will have this sort of effect sometimes - I guess best to learn the lesson and carry on being less expressive in future.
If you have no actually abusive experiences (the Twitter think is only an issue if you put your real identity out there) then the fear is largely one from listening to other peoples opinions.
When you are next speaking to your therapist (you mentioned this on another thread) then talk to them about this fear - it is one you can learn to manage with help and should improve your quality of life.
Thousands of people on Twitter calling me every name under the sun (it was something I did) has definitely heightened it, as well as all the times I've been bullied at school.
When I was 22, I was coming home from work and grabbed food along the way. It was about 10pm but November so pitch black. Stranger came up to me asking for a lift, and I was too scared to say no so I ended up giving him a lift. Thankfully I didn't get hurt but it was one of the daftest things I've ever done.
I know I could have just said no but I guess I was worried about what could have happened then too.
HMO said:I am well aware that I give a general air of someone who's weak and, like my dad reminds me, the quiet ones always get picked on.
Has it ever been your experience to be picked on in something more than a rude comment that is? No need to share specifics if you are uncomfortable with it.
I see.
Well, I guess you are a lot younger than me, which will make a difference.
I never go out at night (I can't see anything in the dark) so that is useful.
I don't know where you live but hopefully, in the daytime, you are safe.
I do hope so.
I have lived in very rough areas when I was younger and the fear of being attacked at night was very real.
Take care.
I am well aware that I give a general air of someone who's weak and, like my dad reminds me, the quiet ones always get picked on.
I always got a lot of that instead of, you know, making sure it just doesn't happen.
I have a sunflower lanyard and I intend to use it more but I still feel a bit funny about it.
HMO said:a stranger will come up to me out of nowhere and I'll completely freeze up and I could get hurt
I don't understand.
Why do you think that a stranger will hurt you if you go out on your own?