Published on 12, July, 2020
I've always been a bit funny with this. On the one hand, in the past I became a bit needy. Needing interaction with friends constantly, texting constantly and so on.
However, I've almost always done things on my own. I go cycling and 99% of my rides have been on my own. I usually go into town on my own. I've been to the cinema on my own. I've driven to London on my own. I went to a concert at bloody Wembley Stadium on my own.
I know I can do it, but I don't really want to. I feel vulnerable and exposed and small. However, I feel I'm being difficult if I ask anyone to come with me.
I have no idea how neurotypicals can make these plans seemingly very easily. Every time I try and make a plan to meet up with someone it stresses me out so badly - some of that is often self inflicted but it takes the shine off what often turns out to be a nice day out with a friend. I usually put myself under the pressure to organise it entirely myself rather than being honest about the fact I could do with cooperation from the other person.
I don't know if I'm being unreasonable.
I think that if you can be good at being alone, then that can make life a lot easier.
I'm pretty self-contained and lived alone from my mid twenties until my mid forties apart from a couple of short times with a partner.
Going to restaurants etc alone doesn't bother me at all but then now I'm in my 6th decade, that makes a difference.
When I did these things when I was younger, I did tend to be looked at more than I'd like.
I don't like shopping with other people, in fact I hate it.
I think probably the ability to be very comfortable alone is a blessing.
I have a friend who can't bear being alone and she turns to me when her husband is absent.
I find it hard to understand but I'm accommodating.
Perhaps the more things you do alone, the more you will be able to.
All the best.
There's a lot of things I'd prefer to do on my own and I don't necessarily mind but it doesn't feel right.
At some point a stranger will come up to me out of nowhere and I'll completely freeze up and I could get hurt. That's what worries me.