Autistic Burnout... how do you cope?

Two years ago I worked a job that was more 60 hours a week, and I still felt like I had to keep on top of other stuff afterwards. Put it this way, I jumped before I sank (or whatever the saying is).

Finding ways to work through it for myself has been hard, as I've just not stumbled on the right thing. Often what is suggested is spending more time on the things you enjoy but there's not many of those anymore.

I do have an autistic therapist though, and that's probably done more for me than most things.

Hi, thank you for sharing your expereince. 60 hours plus other responsibilities sounds terrible.

I hope speaking to your therapist is helping you. What are your hobbies? Do they at least give you some comfort and downtime?

I worked on a TV production. I wanted to do it but I didn't pay attention to the impact it was having on me.

I surf YouTube, watch telly and game occasionally. They help take my mind off other things briefly. Talking to my therapist gives me a safe outlet to just talk about stuff, as I lost all my friends 4 months ago so there's not many outlets for that.

That's plenty.  Honestly, eventually,  it comes good.

I wish I could move forward without fearing that a riot could start if I as much as made myself visible online again. I deleted my socials and I'm basically only on message boards now. I had to change my phone number, and I was one step away from changing my actual name.

Mobs like that won't let you forget it. The one person who messaged me specifically to tell me how grim I am and how "it'll never be forgotten" makes me feel like there's no point.

There was no correct way of doing it. "It's not that bad" would have made me feel rubbish and "you're a disgrace to humanity" wouldn't have been much better either, but there weren't many people striking the middle ground.

I have a therapist and one trusted contact. There's three other people who reached out to me at the time and I speak to very sparingly. That's all I have.

Indeed.  That's rather the point mate.  That's the nature of how you feel now.

In terms of "what" happened, it is now done.  It's over.  That won't change.  It will now just fade, even though you may have trouble believing that because of "what" the "what" was.  I don't know what it was and don't want to know and nor do I believe it now has any relevance to where you find yourself and how you feel now.

In terms of my angels, they didn't know and could not possibly understand.  It didn't matter.  I was blessed.

You won't currently be able to see how things can possibly ever turn around for you.  Again, that's the point and the nature of how you feel now.  I've been there.  So bleak, and I'm not pretending otherwise for you.  That is why I want to reassure you.  No one can make it better for you in the moment (well, that was my experience anyway) and anyone who tried was an idiot (in my opinion.)

I'm happy to play the part of your idiot here.....but I'm actually only reassuring you that it will right itself if you can summon the fortitude to stay sane during these, most severely bleak times.

I can't have the angels if they don't know how I'm feeling, particularly in terms of how guilty I feel about what happened. I'll never get the chance to tell them because I don't believe they even want to hear from me.

I can't see how I'm not all of those things, thousands of people said I was and I don't see how I can disagree with them. 

I was hurtling towards a disaster in terms of the way I was living my life, and it ended up happening. I can't see how things ever turn around.

......so don't panic for fooks sake !  You are not all the things you think you might be.  You have worth and value, to yourself, those around you and undoubtedly society as a whole.

I have nothing practical to offer in terms of advice (apart from forward motion....but you'll find my diatribe on that elsewhere if you are so minded.)

I do have some non-practical advice for you though = DON'T panic = DO stay sane + Don't hurry yourself unnecessarily.  It just took A LOT of time for me to get functional again.

I was basically completely out of circulation (akin to how you describe above) for 12 months and only then was I able to VERY gently ease myself back into a very limited version of what I had come to understand as "life."

Like it or not HM025, there are people here that won't allow you to feel alone.....because you are not.  I neither had the knowledge of my autism nor any sort of "wider" support network at the time......but I did have a couple of bona fide angels.  Sounds like you haven;t got the angels, but you do have this network, and the knowledge to put a "name" on what you are feeling.  Use those things.

With brotherly love,

Number.

NOW THAT'S BURNOUT BROTHER !

I've had 4 months of not really feeling like an active member of society. No social media, not really speaking to many people on a personal level. I basically get to have one proper verbal conversation a week, if that.

There's times where I wanted to make things worse. I wanted people to send death threats, to abuse me further, to destroy what's left of my life. Why? Because I thought it'd validate everything I've been telling myself for many years. All of that "I'm a failure, I'm a waste of space" talk.

It's hard to not feel hung out to dry a bit, even though it was entirely my doing. It's the first time in my life where I can concretely say I have no friends and that barely anyone likes me. I didn't realise that people actually did and I didn't appreciate it enough.

I wish people were a bit more forgiving but in the heat of the moment when thousands of people online are screaming at you and calling you every name under the sun, I can't say I'm surprised that no one wanted to be the one person who would be seen to be defending me. They'd get abused too.

I try to take it on the chin but I can't ignore how awful it feels.

Here, here.  I can tell you are one of us !

I understand what you mean. I know your feeling of isolation.

You're doing the right thing talking to people about it, you don't have to go into "nitty gritty" but its good to get some of it off your chest. I'm glad you're also seeing a therapist, its good to talk about it and reflect on things.

You don't need to think to harshly on yourself for what happened in your past, what matters is what you can do to look after yourself now and for your future, and your taking steps in that direction.

Interesting HM025.

Personally, I felt like I had to step back from everyone and everything, because I felt like a toxic hot mess of disaster.....I was afraid to "infect" people I cared about with my catastrophic being !!  Most seemed VERY happy with that, but some brave (and I still don't honestly know why) souls, refused to be pushed away.  I think of them as my angels.

I totally concur with the truism you wrote;

HMO said:

It is very isolating, and when you feel like the worst person on the planet, it doesn't help.

It's a difficult one because I did screw up on a massive scale and I understand why they felt like they had to step back, but I didn't realise the repercussions until after it happened. It is very isolating, and when you feel like the worst person on the planet, it doesn't help.

The masking wore me out when I worked too, and me not knowing much about myself and my needs made everything ten times worse because I didn't know what support I could access.

Now I just feel really lost. I could probably do with a job that's not mentally taxing as it'd keep me busy.

Thanks for sharing. I'm glad you have some hobbies to help, even if its in the moment. I'm sorry about you losing your friends, I feel like if they don't want to stick by you on your worst day to talk it out then they aren't true friends at all.

My current job as a bathroom sales designer is an enjoyable one, but I think the long hours of constant masking and unpredictability is really wearing me out.

I enjoy playing video games and watching YouTube, my current obsession is Starfield so that is helping me short term, but not a long term solution.

Thanks for sharing. I'm glad you have some hobbies to help, even if its in the moment. I'm sorry about you losing your friends, I feel like if they don't want to stick by you on your worst day to talk it out then they aren't true friends at all.

My current job as a bathroom sales designer is an enjoyable one, but I think the long hours of constant masking and unpredictability is really wearing me out.

I enjoy playing video games and watching YouTube, my current obsession is Starfield so that is helping me short term, but not a long term solution.

That's plenty.  Honestly, eventually,  it comes good.

I wish I could move forward without fearing that a riot could start if I as much as made myself visible online again. I deleted my socials and I'm basically only on message boards now. I had to change my phone number, and I was one step away from changing my actual name.

Mobs like that won't let you forget it. The one person who messaged me specifically to tell me how grim I am and how "it'll never be forgotten" makes me feel like there's no point.

There was no correct way of doing it. "It's not that bad" would have made me feel rubbish and "you're a disgrace to humanity" wouldn't have been much better either, but there weren't many people striking the middle ground.

I have a therapist and one trusted contact. There's three other people who reached out to me at the time and I speak to very sparingly. That's all I have.

Indeed.  That's rather the point mate.  That's the nature of how you feel now.

In terms of "what" happened, it is now done.  It's over.  That won't change.  It will now just fade, even though you may have trouble believing that because of "what" the "what" was.  I don't know what it was and don't want to know and nor do I believe it now has any relevance to where you find yourself and how you feel now.

In terms of my angels, they didn't know and could not possibly understand.  It didn't matter.  I was blessed.

You won't currently be able to see how things can possibly ever turn around for you.  Again, that's the point and the nature of how you feel now.  I've been there.  So bleak, and I'm not pretending otherwise for you.  That is why I want to reassure you.  No one can make it better for you in the moment (well, that was my experience anyway) and anyone who tried was an idiot (in my opinion.)

I'm happy to play the part of your idiot here.....but I'm actually only reassuring you that it will right itself if you can summon the fortitude to stay sane during these, most severely bleak times.

I can't have the angels if they don't know how I'm feeling, particularly in terms of how guilty I feel about what happened. I'll never get the chance to tell them because I don't believe they even want to hear from me.

I can't see how I'm not all of those things, thousands of people said I was and I don't see how I can disagree with them. 

I was hurtling towards a disaster in terms of the way I was living my life, and it ended up happening. I can't see how things ever turn around.

......so don't panic for fooks sake !  You are not all the things you think you might be.  You have worth and value, to yourself, those around you and undoubtedly society as a whole.

I have nothing practical to offer in terms of advice (apart from forward motion....but you'll find my diatribe on that elsewhere if you are so minded.)

I do have some non-practical advice for you though = DON'T panic = DO stay sane + Don't hurry yourself unnecessarily.  It just took A LOT of time for me to get functional again.

I was basically completely out of circulation (akin to how you describe above) for 12 months and only then was I able to VERY gently ease myself back into a very limited version of what I had come to understand as "life."

Like it or not HM025, there are people here that won't allow you to feel alone.....because you are not.  I neither had the knowledge of my autism nor any sort of "wider" support network at the time......but I did have a couple of bona fide angels.  Sounds like you haven;t got the angels, but you do have this network, and the knowledge to put a "name" on what you are feeling.  Use those things.

With brotherly love,

Number.

NOW THAT'S BURNOUT BROTHER !

I've had 4 months of not really feeling like an active member of society. No social media, not really speaking to many people on a personal level. I basically get to have one proper verbal conversation a week, if that.

There's times where I wanted to make things worse. I wanted people to send death threats, to abuse me further, to destroy what's left of my life. Why? Because I thought it'd validate everything I've been telling myself for many years. All of that "I'm a failure, I'm a waste of space" talk.

It's hard to not feel hung out to dry a bit, even though it was entirely my doing. It's the first time in my life where I can concretely say I have no friends and that barely anyone likes me. I didn't realise that people actually did and I didn't appreciate it enough.

I wish people were a bit more forgiving but in the heat of the moment when thousands of people online are screaming at you and calling you every name under the sun, I can't say I'm surprised that no one wanted to be the one person who would be seen to be defending me. They'd get abused too.

I try to take it on the chin but I can't ignore how awful it feels.

Here, here.  I can tell you are one of us !

I understand what you mean. I know your feeling of isolation.

You're doing the right thing talking to people about it, you don't have to go into "nitty gritty" but its good to get some of it off your chest. I'm glad you're also seeing a therapist, its good to talk about it and reflect on things.

You don't need to think to harshly on yourself for what happened in your past, what matters is what you can do to look after yourself now and for your future, and your taking steps in that direction.

Interesting HM025.

Personally, I felt like I had to step back from everyone and everything, because I felt like a toxic hot mess of disaster.....I was afraid to "infect" people I cared about with my catastrophic being !!  Most seemed VERY happy with that, but some brave (and I still don't honestly know why) souls, refused to be pushed away.  I think of them as my angels.

I totally concur with the truism you wrote;

HMO said:

It is very isolating, and when you feel like the worst person on the planet, it doesn't help.

It's a difficult one because I did screw up on a massive scale and I understand why they felt like they had to step back, but I didn't realise the repercussions until after it happened. It is very isolating, and when you feel like the worst person on the planet, it doesn't help.

The masking wore me out when I worked too, and me not knowing much about myself and my needs made everything ten times worse because I didn't know what support I could access.

Now I just feel really lost. I could probably do with a job that's not mentally taxing as it'd keep me busy.