Unbearable Anxiety about school run

Thank you very very much for your replies.

I do the school run by foot. We live only few minutes away from the school.

It's hard to describe. I just panic. I have to go through the gate and drop my daughter off to the door of her classroom. There are few gates at school. And every of them is crowded. Now, when my daughter has changed her classroom it's became closer to  one of the gates but anyway It's just very busy, noisy and crowded. I guess I have very bad social anxiety ( I always did, from early childhood I missed school myself a lot due to being ill from stress). I get very anxious even when people just stand next to me. But I also suffer from c-PTSD and even if I overheard someone saying one word that reminds me horrible stuff we went through I immediately go into flashback. I dread every single time. I dread every single time I have to go out. Yesterday I went there in the morning I dropped her off and I started to cry on the way back really trying to hold myself until I get home so I can fully burst into tears. I did and I cried fro ages. I use loops earplugs or earphones with music. I put fidgety things in my pocket so I can fidget it when noone sees. I try to distract myself by talking to my daughter or by pretending to be busy with my phone. But the feeling is horrible. I hate it. I feel like a failure. Other mums and dads happily stand there seeing their children going to the class, chat to each other and I just can't do any of it. We started off well last year reception but it went downhill quickly and now I also worry that other parents from my daughter's class will think bad of me and my daughter too? Today I ended up going toilet twice with diarrhoea and retching  before I went to school with her in the morning. I made myself purposely late little bit ( so it's less people there because it would be even more busy otherwise) I dropped her off and I was literally running out of there.

I feel exhausted from it. I thought about talking to school if I can possibly be late like 10 minutes for example if she starts 8:45 can I be 8:55 so most of parents are gone by then and same with pick up if I have to take her 3:15 can I be 3:25 but I just can't do it. I struggle to talk. They were so kind anyway they came forward and took her to school and back last year for whole week when I was in crisis. 

I also thought about before and after school club but it cost a lot of money. I would have to spend between £240-300 each month to do that and I simply don't have that amount to spare. 

I have no idea what to do. 

Thank you very much in advance for any further advice. Very much appreciate it. 

Many thanks

Thank you very very much for your replies.

I do the school run by foot. We live only few minutes away from the school.

It's hard to describe. I just panic. I have to go through the gate and drop my daughter off to the door of her classroom. There are few gates at school. And every of them is crowded. Now, when my daughter has changed her classroom it's became closer to  one of the gates but anyway It's just very busy, noisy and crowded. I guess I have very bad social anxiety ( I always did, from early childhood I missed school myself a lot due to being ill from stress). I get very anxious even when people just stand next to me. But I also suffer from c-PTSD and even if I overheard someone saying one word that reminds me horrible stuff we went through I immediately go into flashback. I dread every single time. I dread every single time I have to go out. Yesterday I went there in the morning I dropped her off and I started to cry on the way back really trying to hold myself until I get home so I can fully burst into tears. I did and I cried fro ages. I use loops earplugs or earphones with music. I put fidgety things in my pocket so I can fidget it when noone sees. I try to distract myself by talking to my daughter or by pretending to be busy with my phone. But the feeling is horrible. I hate it. I feel like a failure. Other mums and dads happily stand there seeing their children going to the class, chat to each other and I just can't do any of it. We started off well last year reception but it went downhill quickly and now I also worry that other parents from my daughter's class will think bad of me and my daughter too? Today I ended up going toilet twice with diarrhoea and retching  before I went to school with her in the morning. I made myself purposely late little bit ( so it's less people there because it would be even more busy otherwise) I dropped her off and I was literally running out of there.

I feel exhausted from it. I thought about talking to school if I can possibly be late like 10 minutes for example if she starts 8:45 can I be 8:55 so most of parents are gone by then and same with pick up if I have to take her 3:15 can I be 3:25 but I just can't do it. I struggle to talk. They were so kind anyway they came forward and took her to school and back last year for whole week when I was in crisis. 

I also thought about before and after school club but it cost a lot of money. I would have to spend between £240-300 each month to do that and I simply don't have that amount to spare. 

I have no idea what to do. 

Thank you very much in advance for any further advice. Very much appreciate it. 

Many thanks

Nana1318 said:

I also suffer from c-PTSD and even if I overheard someone saying one word that reminds me horrible stuff we went through I immediately go into flashback. I dread every single time. I dread every single time I have to go out.

I think you need to cut yourself some slack here - you have a major trauma to live with and the physical manifestations of this are severe so it is no wonder you dread going out.

I'm sorry for find yourself in this situation but reaching out to us may bring some options that can help.

I'm a problem solver so let me come up with some suggestions here and you can consider if there is anything that you want to consider from it - no expectations, no judgement and just a lot of support for you.

1 - Get someone to take her to school. Are you or your family friends / colleagues with anyone that is near and does the same school run? If so ask if they can pick up your daughter and when possible bring her home.

You may need to open up about your c-PTSD just enough to let then understand why it is so stressful for you so this can be a challenge.

This will give you much fewer occassions when you need to do the run (eg if they are not going that day) but it lets you save your energy for those occassions.

2 - Go early. Take your daughter in at 8.15 before the majority of parents are there and she can play in the playground.

3 - Teach your daughter to be safe and let her walk to school. It was the norm in my generation and there were not mass abductions or deaths from traffic accidents so I suspect it is pretty safe to do so.

4 - Go part way. Not really as good a solution as you will still encounter people en-route but it may be enough to let her walk the last few hundred yards to school on her own.

5 - drive. Yes it is environmentally unfriendly and terrible traffic, but it is still better than the alternatives and you can always say you are on your way to somewhere else is some Karen sticks her nose into your business.

Have a mull over these and see if anything looks like it could form the seed of a plan.

Good luck