Life changes since diagnosis/self-realisation/identification

I find life now a lot easier to navigate, it was much worse not knowing why I’m different. I can identify what triggers me and sometimes just say no. This does occasionally happen out loud. I don’t really engage with the outside world much but when I do it is more on my terms.

Now I know that my difficulties are genuine, I no longer feel that I have to push myself excessively to live up to neurotypical standards and expectations. I decline participating in large social gatherings when I can and will now 'bail out' of situations that are making me more than bearably uncomfortable. 

I haven't noticed other people treating me any differently. My family have all accepted that I am autistic, but this does not seem to extend to realising that I may behave differently because of my autistic self-realisation and diagnosis, differently to my behaviour when I was desperately trying to behave neurotypically at all times. This is a little disappointing.

Take5 said:

This forum and you included has opened my eyes to being kinder to yourself and I’m very grateful. 

This is good to read.

I think we all need to learn this - to be kinder to ourselves.

I’ve not noticed any changes in my own life since my diagnosis but through this forum I have become aware of the many injustices that are out there regarding both autism, hidden disabilities and mental health issues and the attitudes of wider society which refuses to acknowledge, accept and understand our differences and needs and still clings to the idea and concept that our disabilities and differences and struggles are somehow not real - for me, not having a post-diagnosis assessment as a basic legal entitlement and requirement is vital, is crucial and is a major stumbling block in being unable to move forward, as I still have no idea what my support needs are 

That’s why I love this place. I feel so much more comfortable with everyone here, it really has been a positive influence.

Really nice to hear you are in a better place also

Yes! I relate a lot to your experience! I see my old post written a month ago - one of my first posts :) and I can say this month of me being here was really good and better understanding helps me take better care of myself. I feel much much happier more compassionate and my health improved. 

Hi Debbie

I have embraced mindfulness since my discovery, towards myself and others (although I have always been quite mindful with others. I did tend to give myself a good old mental beating before and have managed to reduce this significantly now. I do still overthink things but I believe it’s others lack of compassion and empathy that makes me do that more. I have also learned when socialising not to say too much without thinking it through first as after the event I often go over the conversation in my head times over. This has all been such a relief for me but don’t get me wrong I do still struggle sometimes. This forum and you included has opened my eyes to being kinder to yourself and I’m very grateful. 

Take care

Just bumping this as it came to mind from a comment made on another thread.

I am the 'deleted user' OP.

Alienatedhuman said:

Plus knowledge and understanding are powerful tools which help me navigate my life the way it’s more bearable for me, instead of trying to be someone who I’m not and never will be. 

I love this. 

Perfectly expressed and resonates with me.

Welcome. 

On one hand it feels like all my life has been explained and makes sense, on the other hand I’m tired of overthinking and processing old events again and again but there is some force that pushes me to do it. I just let myself experience what I do, but I also remember to come back to both my intense hobbies that I have, it helps me clean up my head a bit. Now I’m more compassionate towards myself and others. Plus knowledge and understanding are powerful tools which help me navigate my life the way it’s more bearable for me, instead of trying to be someone who I’m not and never will be. 

Thanks for replying Debbie

Ive just realised how long ago these posts were!

Thanks Pegg. It really isn’t easy but if I don’t try now I never will. If only it was easy to reinvent ourselves

Amerantin said:

. Don't know if that's over self awareness of my autism or just being out of practice. Probably a bit of both. But at least I'm trying

Good for you, it's not easy, I know

Take5 said:

Is this really a stim

I believe so (both 'habits').

Debbie said:

I probably ought to use something like the putty because I just pick and eat my fingers and they are always bleeding.

Me too

I have done this since forever, I also chew the inside of my cheek (right side only). Is this really a stim? 

Amerantin said:

But at least I'm trying.

Debbie said:

I hope this involves leaving your spreadsheet behind, leaving your house and meeting people!

I have been out much more than usual in the last couple of months - a number of work events, some involving travel, trying to spend more time in the office and even a handful of social events. I think I'm too conscious of myself in these situations now though. Don't know if that's over self awareness of my autism or just being out of practice. Probably a bit of both. But at least I'm trying.

Debbie said:

Lists of lists of lists.

You should see my phone! This is how I organise my life :)

Debbie said:

ps.  You must have a posh watch - mine just tells the time.

Gadgets are one of my main vices.

I'd forgotten I'd made this thread!

I can't even remember how OOS inspired me - they probably just told me to do it and I obeyed.

Amerantin said:

That said, I have recently (typically for me) started building a spreadsheet that details all the things I need to do to sort myself out. I need to change a lot of things, many small but some quite radical. Fingers crossed I can follow through in the coming months.

I hope this involves leaving your spreadsheet behind, leaving your house and meeting people!

Well done.

This is a really positive step.

I do lists - I'm not so good at spreadsheets.

Lists of lists of lists.

Amerantin said:

wearing loop earplugs when in these situations seems to dampen the anxiety right down and no more heart rate alerts,

That's great.

They don't make any difference to me but when I had my ears examined a while ago I was told I have very large ear holes!

LOL.

So I'm not just a freak with my big eyes, I have big ear holes too.

I probably ought to use something like the putty because I just pick and eat my fingers and they are always bleeding.

It's hard to change habits, but you are clearly working on it.

ps.  You must have a posh watch - mine just tells the time.

I've been thinking about this quite a lot recently. Unfortunately I think I may have lost hope and become more resigned to my situation since the diagnosis. As I look back on my life and re-process many events, I think my current situation was unavoidable and predestined. But if I'd been identified as a child perhaps life could have been so much better.  All which just makes me sad.

That said, I have recently (typically for me) started building a spreadsheet that details all the things I need to do to sort myself out. I need to change a lot of things, many small but some quite radical. Fingers crossed I can follow through in the coming months. I know I won't do it all, but even a fraction of it could make a real difference for me.

I have learned a few things in the months since my diagnosis though.

I was quite anxious a lot of the time, particularly at work and in social settings, but simply didn't realise it. One of the giveaways was my watch giving me high heart rate alerts but it was really down to my therapist making me more aware of what my body was telling me.  Anyway, I have learned some incredibly useful tools: wearing loop earplugs when in these situations seems to dampen the anxiety right down and no more heart rate alerts, but I can still hear what's going on.  Another thing I've started doing is stimming with therapy putty or handrollers when I'm in a long meeting or some other thing I can't escape from but need to focus. That has helped immensely. 

Thank you everyone.

I don't answer every post, but I do read them all.

There is a lot of food for thought here.

It does sadden me when others have negative experiences that are directly related to a diagnosis.

My diagnosis was positive for me, but then I am at a different life stage to many others.

If I'd had the diagnosis in my 20s I don't know how differently it might have affected me.

It's a known unknown (Donald Rumsfeld)