Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello,
It has come to my attention over the past few months that I need to improve my communications skills, as I fear this will hinder my future prospects career wise and in personal life. I have always had issues with communication since childhood, this was excused as being shy and anxiety.
I find it difficult to reach out and ask for help, to verbalise any decisions I make (or when trying to make them), speak in a group setting regardless if it's face-to-face or on a call (e.g. teams or skype), talk when I don't think what I say has any value or is unnecessary.
For example, the last one is has been a big problem as of late. It feels as I am physically unable to talk about stuff I deem trivial, or if I know my opinion doesn't really hold any value. So much, I have resorted to completely avoiding the situation, which is getting me in quite a bit of trouble.
I have had a little look online about how to develop communication skills as an autistic person, but I don't know where to start. I am unsure of therapy yet, although I may pursue this later down the line, I just haven't had much luck with therapists yet which is why I'm reluctant to start there. What books or websites would you recommend? Any advice? I really would appreciate it.
I noticed that some of the tips on how to deal with this would be that some people find it easier to continue the conversation written down rather than verbally, which I do find much easier (and prefer) but I am more interested in trying to help in the situation where written communication is not possible.
Apologies if the format is not pleasant, I haven't posted much on this forum... yet
I think it rather depends on communication in what context and for what purpose.
Most of us don't engage much with "trivia"; small talk and gossip. But some people see that as a good thing and that need not hold you back socially where other people don't value that either, or at least value you for not being a gossip or a shallow gas bag.
Workwise, our direct style can be a problem for some. Amending that is possible but it's also masking and will come at a cost to you. You'll be exhausted jumping through the hoops.
All that said though, there is a level which is just about confidence. I note you say you feel sometimes you know your opinion isn't valued. That won't be true of every one. Sometimes people value most the one they know they'll always get an honest answer from.
It's the difference between some peoples motive in asking the "does my bum look big in this?" question. Well, if you just want to be flattered even if your bum does look big, don't ask an autistic person. If you honestly want to know the answer - the best person to ask is an autistic person.
I'm not to sure where you'd look though to learn NT communication styles, other than by copying NTs.