Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi everyone,
I introduced myself about a month ago - I'm nearly 40, female, pansexual and started working for the NAS 4 months ago.
I finally told my wife I think I might be autistic. Initially, she ignored what i said but later she questioned WHY I need a formal diagnosis. I've explained to her several times that it'd be good to know if I am as it would explain a lot of my history.
It's been a few weeks, I've bought some stim toys and have started exploring this potential side of myself/trying to unmask. I've filled in the preassessment forms (as have my parents who are SUPER supportive, especially my dad). My wife still doesn't understand why I'm seeking a diagnosis.
Or why my behaviour has changed since I started considering I might be autistic/starting to learn about autism (which started way before I told her I was thinking about it).
Apparently an outsider would think I was faking it - that I've been doing so much research about autism so that I can pretend to be autistic because it's 'cool' to get a diagnosis.
She's decided that because SHE wouldn't ever seek a diagnosis, there's no reason for me to either.
I'm now not allowed to display any behaviour that might be autistic as it's probably me putting it on. I feel I'm not able to explore this in her presence - I have a small penguin (Arnold) that I've started enjoying stimming with - shes criticised this as I've 'suddenly started carrying soft toys around with me' - she has seem me with him once.
In the end, I had to say I don't want to talk about it anymore.
She's acting as if she knows everything but she's clearly done no reading on the subject at all. She's a well-educated paramedic prescriber.
It's making me feel very tired (I also have a chronic pain/permanent nerve damage condition) and low and reducing my self-worth to zero, which doesn't help me trying to get used to a new job or my sleep.
Thanks for reading. Any advice would be appreciated.
Hi, your wife shouldn’t actually not allow you to display or discuss why you may be autistic. It’s a bit controlling.
Jenn said:Apparently an outsider would think I was faking it
Most of the outside world never notices us, if we do occasionally act differently it’s because we are autistic. There is a bit of, “ it’s trendy and the latest fad” by the neurotypical world. It’s really trendy, we get to be in one of the highest suicide groups! Definitely not trendy, I’m glad your parents are onboard, they have known you for your whole life. Maybe with your wife go “ slowly catchy monkey,” I found with some of my family that I had to “drip feed “ them. The main thing is you must be you, I’m most probably older, over the years the masking destroys you. If you’re partner loves you then she will accept you for whoever you are.
Hi Roy,
It is controlling. She's always been like that (well, since we got married).
I might start sharing info graphics with my parents and wife via our shared WhatsApp group. I don't want to seem as if I'm forcing it on her though. There's a chance she'll dismiss it as not valid enough. She's very arrogant.
We shall see and I'll keep you all updated.
Jenn