Spouse not supportive about me seeking an assessment

Hi everyone,

I introduced myself about a month ago - I'm nearly 40, female, pansexual and started working for the NAS 4 months ago.

I finally told my wife I think I might be autistic. Initially, she ignored what i said but later she questioned WHY I need a formal diagnosis. I've explained to her several times that it'd be good to know if I am as it would explain a lot of my history.

It's been a few weeks, I've bought some stim toys and have started exploring this potential side of myself/trying to unmask. I've filled in the preassessment forms (as have my parents who are SUPER supportive, especially my dad). My wife still doesn't understand why I'm seeking a diagnosis.

Or why my behaviour has changed since I started considering I might be autistic/starting to learn about autism (which started way before I told her I was thinking about it).

Apparently an outsider would think I was faking it - that I've been doing so much research about autism so that I can pretend to be autistic because it's 'cool' to get a diagnosis.

She's decided that because SHE wouldn't ever seek a diagnosis, there's no reason for me to either.

I'm now not allowed to display any behaviour that might be autistic as it's probably me putting it on. I feel I'm not able to explore this in her presence - I have a small penguin (Arnold) that I've started enjoying stimming with - shes criticised this as I've 'suddenly started carrying soft toys around with me' - she has seem me with him once.

In the end, I had to say I don't want to talk about it anymore. 

She's acting as if she knows everything but she's clearly done no reading on the subject at all. She's a well-educated paramedic prescriber.

It's making me feel very tired (I also have a chronic pain/permanent nerve damage condition) and low and reducing my self-worth to zero, which doesn't help me trying to get used to a new job or my sleep.

Thanks for reading. Any advice would be appreciated.