Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello everyone.
Something I am really struggling with understanding advice and help from friends/family. People like to express their ways of dealing with the problems I have like they are an easy task.
Specifically dealing with social paralysis, and not being able to stop over thinking before reaching out thus leading to avoidance.
It seems to be that the done thing to be "mindful" and "exercise".
I am aware that one could make adjustments to adopt these habits.
What adjustments, protocols and tools do you guys use when dealing specifically with social paralysis, and not being able to stop over thinking before reaching out thus leading to avoidance.
Hi Inkcircuit,
Something I find useful while reaching out to people is saying exactly what I am thinking.
For instance today my friend and I were texting but I know she has a new baby so she kind of has her hands full, right? I was about to change the subject but first asked "I feel like I'm taking up too much of your time do you still have time to chat?" this made a very clear way for her to say "actually I'm busy" or "sure go on and talk to me".
If you reach out to someone, you aren't demanding their attention, they can respond to you whenever they have free time! If you've reached out, the ball is in their court. Just send a little text, or make a little call and see what people are thinking. They might be looking forward to hearing from you!
It is grounding to think about this. I am going to work towards remembering this advice for each time I reach out. Thank you.
In the spirit of saying exactly what I'm thinking...
As I prepare to communicate with someone I tend to get stuck in a thought loop where without meaning to, I play out the "yes" response then play out the "no" response internally. The "no" response i thought up dirties up the "yes" giving me a difficult to process imbalance that puts me off ultimately trying. It is a common thing with low self esteem. but I believe it is more in line with being extra sensetive to the hormonal chemistry.This then dictates how I move forward like it's a matter of survival. have you experienced that? Btw No pressure to answer
That is a fair point. And you are right not only do I go in with a no in mind I can go in with a whole tree of possibilities that ultimately just distract me from the initial passion to engage.
So - for me, I go into every yes/no situation with an exact 50/50 split. I don't know which way it will go, but I am prepared for both.
For you, it sounds like you go in with a 'no' in mind, then just burrow down into the no answer and don't even leave space for the yes? So you don't even ask it?For me this doesn't make sense. You have to give people both options because how will they ever choose yes?