Coping with 3 kids when 2 of them are autistic

Hello

this is my first ever post. I hope someone can help. My 8 year old son was diagnosed with autism at 4yrs old, when our second child was 2yrs old. Then we had a third child who is now nearly 4. She has been displaying some pretty clean signs of autism, and to be honest because we hoped she was just copying her brother so we didn't approach anyone about it until this August. Our GP was very kind and could see our concerns straight away  and referred us to paediattrician and to child mental health services. We are STILL waiting for those appointments. But life with our diagnosed autistic son and probably autistic daughter is getting worse as her issues are building and his are getting worse. Life is becoming extreme and while dealing with both of their meltdowns and anger, I also have to think of our totally neurotypical middle child and her needs. The school our son attends have a special provision for children on the spectrum where he is cared for and his teachers have been fantastic helping with advice for both our son and daughter but what they can't tell me is what it's like to cope as a parent with TWO children on the spectrum. They both set each other off a lot and I feel like I am juggling one meltdown and then another continuously. Are there any parents out there who understand? Sorry for such a long post. Thanks all X

Parents
  • I have both sons on autistic spectrum and I can tototally understand the juggling but do not have a third child who is not on the spectrum so I can apprecaite even harder for you.It is good that the school are understanding but yes of course until you are in the situation it is only when you are living the life that you can fully understand.

    It is worth checking with the hospital to see that things are going through as have had esveral times a panel saying they will not refer my son (second) and GP not told or parents! Then you can challenge the descion with the GP's backing..

    Some days my sons when smaller would refuse to go to school and I would have them both kickingn off and crying and hiding under duvets.The school (it had a unit for autism) was very supportive and would come and take them to school.When staff came they were authority and ny sons would listen to them and go off fine.Often I woudl find it was like a pop up toy (life) and one would be settled and the other child having issues and I would just calm them and the other child would have issues.Not easy! As one Friend who has two autistic children said to me that with two children on the autistic spectrum you need a sense of humour and a filing cabinet!  Very true!The paperwork was so much and over the years well I could build a mountain with it!! As for humour it has just kept me goign but sometimes yep it wears thin.

    I found things like having a radar key helped for the toilets when out so all that helped.

    Also parents support groups locally (our national autistic society local group is excellent) and I met other parents with two children on the autistic spectum and even some having more than two.That way you do not feel so isolated

    I take it you are getting carers allowance and disability living allowance? That helps towrds the worry of finances.My sons when small would often break things and also I used the money for private speech therapy etc.

    The stress also on the family,your marriage etc and extended family can be extreme and you find you are pullingn yourself in all directions and so important to try to get some time for yourself which is often very hard.I found my health was and still can be affected.

    The local carers association is also a good idea to join.

    Maybe look at some respite like Mencap playschemes which many of my Friends including me used and that would give me time with my other child.

    I do really feel for you as I do so know the pressures of havign two 9now grown up) sons on the autistic spectrum who I love very much but as you say also having another child who does nto have ASD brings in diffrent issues ot the mix I can well appreciate when they want friends round etc.

    Hugs

Reply
  • I have both sons on autistic spectrum and I can tototally understand the juggling but do not have a third child who is not on the spectrum so I can apprecaite even harder for you.It is good that the school are understanding but yes of course until you are in the situation it is only when you are living the life that you can fully understand.

    It is worth checking with the hospital to see that things are going through as have had esveral times a panel saying they will not refer my son (second) and GP not told or parents! Then you can challenge the descion with the GP's backing..

    Some days my sons when smaller would refuse to go to school and I would have them both kickingn off and crying and hiding under duvets.The school (it had a unit for autism) was very supportive and would come and take them to school.When staff came they were authority and ny sons would listen to them and go off fine.Often I woudl find it was like a pop up toy (life) and one would be settled and the other child having issues and I would just calm them and the other child would have issues.Not easy! As one Friend who has two autistic children said to me that with two children on the autistic spectrum you need a sense of humour and a filing cabinet!  Very true!The paperwork was so much and over the years well I could build a mountain with it!! As for humour it has just kept me goign but sometimes yep it wears thin.

    I found things like having a radar key helped for the toilets when out so all that helped.

    Also parents support groups locally (our national autistic society local group is excellent) and I met other parents with two children on the autistic spectum and even some having more than two.That way you do not feel so isolated

    I take it you are getting carers allowance and disability living allowance? That helps towrds the worry of finances.My sons when small would often break things and also I used the money for private speech therapy etc.

    The stress also on the family,your marriage etc and extended family can be extreme and you find you are pullingn yourself in all directions and so important to try to get some time for yourself which is often very hard.I found my health was and still can be affected.

    The local carers association is also a good idea to join.

    Maybe look at some respite like Mencap playschemes which many of my Friends including me used and that would give me time with my other child.

    I do really feel for you as I do so know the pressures of havign two 9now grown up) sons on the autistic spectrum who I love very much but as you say also having another child who does nto have ASD brings in diffrent issues ot the mix I can well appreciate when they want friends round etc.

    Hugs

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