Published on 12, July, 2020
I'm currently abroad which means I don't have access to the support systems I've relied on for the past 3 months.
I've spoken about said situation on here a couple of times but I seem to flip flop between feeling determined to turn my life around and feeling angry and frustrated that it happened in this way. Context is here: community.autism.org.uk/.../i-m-in-an-incredibly-isolating-situation
I know my life needed changing, as well as my behaviour/attitude and everything else, but thousands of strangers online screaming at me calling me pretty much every name under the sun (however justified it was) doesn't do me any favours. If anything it makes me want to give up.
I'm at that stage where I really don't know if I can hold on much longer. I can't see much hope for the future and I'm still grieving the loss of my wider support network. I don't feel like I want to make new friends and I don't see why I should have to "get over" it.
This is just a vent.
Good to see you are sharing how you feel here. It is a good step and a good sign that you can do so.
Having been diagnosed only a year ago, and looking back on the carcrash nature of soem of my life experiences, I can empathise with how you feel.
Don't give up - there is always hope.
I wish. The bottom line is I've screwed up too badly and I can't see how I can come back from it. I wish I could turn the clock back.
The past has gone, it cannot be changed so you can dismiss it.The future has not happend,so don't worry about it.The HERE and now is all what counts.Mindfulness....Live in the moment. One Day at a time.You might have a big black cloud hanging over your head,but the sunshine is still there waiting for you even though you can't see it
I wish I could, but knowing how many people I've hurt (without intending to), I doubt they'll be so quick to forget. I know how these things play out, not that it helped my anxieties when I'd be reading stories about public figures involved in 'scandals' (not that this is one - the word scandal trivialises it somewhat).
I want to fight for it and get myself to a better place but it's hard when you're mostly on your own.