Published on 12, July, 2020
I’m 44 and not yet diagnosed, I have two teenage boys. I struggle with communication with my children (and friends/colleagues) in that I like to talk to them but just don’t really understand what to say to make general conversation apart from the obvious “how was x?” “are you ok?” type questions. We’ve just come back from a holiday and it was all the more obvious there over mealtimes, there were a lot of silences and I found it quite upsetting. I asked my eldest son if he is on his phone so much and so quiet when he is with his dad or on holiday with friends’ families, and he said no. He said that conversation just flows with other adults so he is more engaged. This is what I sense already - other people seem to find general chit chat natural, whereas I have to think about any questions or topics before I speak. I also feel very sensitive and sad when I feel that family time isn’t going as it ‘should’ be. I don’t understand why I seem to be different to other parents and not managing to spend time together like other people seems to. I do realise that teenagers are tricky with communication, but from talking to mine it seems like the awkwardness is coming from me without meaning it to. Does anyone else struggle in this way? Sorry for rambling!
Have you read any articles on the Double Empathy Problem? They might be helpful to you.
I'd also maybe just have a discussion with your boys, teenagers can be a lot more understanding than you think, especially when it comes to their mothers!
You could also maybe think of topics for discussion before hand and have a prepared mental list to work through, for example your boy's hobbies/interests, school, their friends etc. However you should also try and offer some information from your day and talk about the things you enjoy as well. You will often find that if you are enthuastic about something then it will engage people even if they aren't generally interested in it!
I am a late diagnosed adult (also a former teenage boy) and I also struggle with communication, however I have had a lot of people say I'm fun to talk to! I usually just try to follow the above steps that I have learned from my lifetime of masking ha ha ha.
I hope some of this helps, and no need to apologies for rambling. That is what forums are for!
Thank you so much, I haven’t read anything about the Double Empathy Problem so I’ll do some research! It’s the feeling like I don’t quite fit in that I really struggle with, everything just feels a bit wrong and a bit harder than it seems for most people. Lots of learning to do!