Published on 12, July, 2020
I work with children and four other adults. I find at the start and end of the day my colleagues make small talk and though I can mask and do some small talk, generally, I don’t have a lot to say and when I do talk I feel a bit of a black sheep as I’m participating but not actually a part of the group if that makes sense. It’s like I’m there but not really. I try to talk, copy their enthusiasm in what we’re talking about but to me it’s obvious I’m uncomfortable and not really sure why we’re even making small talk. I’m like this in the shops as well if the woman at the checkout starts to make small talk. Generally, I talk and can’t wait for the conversation to be over. Talking is not easy for me. It’s why I avoid phone calls if I possibly can. But, when it comes to work and playing with the kids I am at ease with this. It’s no problem. I find I am much better with kids than I am adults. I think this is partly because I still haven’t really grown up yet.
This is perfectly normal. You need an ADHD friend, if you don't have one already.
Also we mature slower due to a difference in language. But that's a whole other topic. If you're interested, have a look into the Defence Mechanism of Sublimation. Turns out, some of us... don't.
Kids aren't afraid of the world just yet! They haven't matured to where they're suppressing all natural desires and subconsciously warping those in to something like 'small talk'. Which is the process of Sublimating.
I found an improv class turned being in a shop or other social situation where there's little expectations of relationship, quite pleasant. I can play along! I sometimes say the most absurd things and then just... try again next time!
It's OK to be the quiet introvert who 'appreciates listening" and maybe enjoys the 'downtime' moments of not having to engage (if you all work with kids, they'll buy this). Maybe the one who's always happy to make tea, this way you're seen as a participant in some way?
JuniperFromGallifrey said:I found an improv class turned being in a shop or other social situation where there's little expectations of relationship, quite pleasant. I can play along!
I wonder if there is scope for NAS to host some sort of Zoom type events where we could do something like this - part improv and part role playing / practicing for social situations.
I suspect they get very discounted licenses for this.
I could be up for running some of these.
There are a few wrinkles to smooth out (eg anonymity would be difficult as Zoom uses email addresses) but with some effort I think it could be done.
Does anyone know if this has been tried before?