Published on 12, July, 2020
I work with children and four other adults. I find at the start and end of the day my colleagues make small talk and though I can mask and do some small talk, generally, I don’t have a lot to say and when I do talk I feel a bit of a black sheep as I’m participating but not actually a part of the group if that makes sense. It’s like I’m there but not really. I try to talk, copy their enthusiasm in what we’re talking about but to me it’s obvious I’m uncomfortable and not really sure why we’re even making small talk. I’m like this in the shops as well if the woman at the checkout starts to make small talk. Generally, I talk and can’t wait for the conversation to be over. Talking is not easy for me. It’s why I avoid phone calls if I possibly can. But, when it comes to work and playing with the kids I am at ease with this. It’s no problem. I find I am much better with kids than I am adults. I think this is partly because I still haven’t really grown up yet.
Zoid said:I find at the start and end of the day my colleagues make small talk
This is a very common issue for autists (myself included) but if you want to put in some effort it is possible to improve your skills fairly easily.
I would recommend getting a book or two to start learning the techniques, for example:
How to Make Small Talk - Conversation Starters, Exercises, and Scenarios - Wadsworth, Melissa (2018)
ISBN 9781507204993
How to Talk to Anyone About Anything - Improve Your Social Skills, Master Small Talk, Connect Effortlessly, and Make Real Friends - W. Williams, James (2021)
ISBN 195303635X
Stress-Free Small Talk - How to Master the Art of Conversation and Take Control of Your Social Anxiety - Gallagher LMFT, Richard S (2020)
ISBN 1641528958
Zoid said:I find I am much better with kids than I am adults. I think this is partly because I still haven’t really grown up yet.
You have grown up. Your brain developed differentlty to neurotypical brains but sho share the same earlier development with children so you can relate on that common level.
You are different to the other adults, not less.
Iain said:This is a very common issue for autists (myself included) but if you want to put in some effort it is possible to improve your skills fairly easily. I would recommend getting a book or two to start learning the techniques, for example:
Thanks for the book recommendations. I've tried a lot on my own but still not great at social interactions.
Iain said:You have grown up. Your brain developed differentlty to neurotypical brains but sho share the same earlier development with children so you can relate on that common level. You are different to the other adults, not less
You are different to the other adults, not less
I find it difficult around other adults it feels a much more pressuring environment but I am prone to overthinking things and that doesn't help.