Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi all, I'm Alan and I've just signed up to the forum.
I'm 62 and although I've always known I was different, I was only diagnosed as being on the spectrum a year ago. My son is in his 20's and diagnosed at the age of 5, but my daughter almost 18, was diagnosed when aged 16. I split from my ex partner and the my mother children almost 7 years ago, when I found out she'd wiped out our savings and the money I'd won from a compensation claim following an accident. She still lives in our home, the mortgage was paid off many years ago and I now live in a bungalow. It wasn't easy, when I left, I had the clothes on my back and that was it, I had to start from scratch, I had to sell off all of my personal possesions to fund the purchase of a cooker, fridge etc and I now have it as good as I can and can appreciate what I've managed to do. I'm not financially well off, budget very wisely, though manage to feed myself and keep my home clean and tidy.
But that is all in the passed and I've moved on, I now have a new girlfriend and we get on OK, apart from one issue, to me she is greedy and when we go out, expects me to pay for everything. In the few months since we met, we've been to many places and not once has she offered to pay, not even for a coffee in Costa. When I've said, "you can get these", she throws her head back and laughs embarrasingly and when I've spoken to her about it, she reckons that as I'm out with her, I should be the one to pay all the time. A month ago, I won £400, the money went into my bank account and I never told her. I've not had a holiday or even a few days away for over 10 years, so I thought about using some of the money for a short break. I suggested having a few days away in the Lake District, but she would have to go halves as I cannot afford to pay for all of it, she agreed and said she would transfer the money into my account. I booked the hotel and paid by credit card, despite several requests from me and several promises from her, she's still not given me the money. We go away on Tuesday and to be honest, I feel like just going on my my own and leaving her at home.
I've mulled this over in my head time and time again, I've hardly slept for the last two nights and it's really bugging me. So tonight, I called her up and asked her to transfer the money as I have to pay off my credit card, she told me she couldn't afford it. So I asked, "why did you agree to go when you knew you didn't have the funds"? She didn't answer. I then suggested that she paid for the food while we're away, she refused.
So I'm now wondering what to do. I'm very annoyed with myself for shelling out, before getting her share of the cost before booking and with her for refusing to cover the cost of the food.
What do I do?
As a woman, I definitely think your decision to call time on the relationship was a wise move indeed.
If she was genuinely struggling financially and had been too embarrassed to tell you, then I would possibly feel some sympathy for her, especially if she had tried to repay your financial generosity by doing kind deeds for you. As it is, there has been an assumption on her part that your role within that relationship was to pay for everything, even when you had made it abundantly clear that weren't in a position to do so.
As she never once offered to pay for a coffee, I'm guessing that she also never contributed anything toward the cost of your petrol either.
Whilst it might not seem like it happened soon enough for your liking, I think you have definitely dodged a bullet there. Not a pleasant experience for you, so you have my sympathies.