Published on 12, July, 2020
After trying so hard to be the person that I thought I was supposed to be, I finally feel free to be myself, but I’m still getting to know the real me. Does anyone else feel the same after discovering you are autistic in “later life”?
It has been hard to navigate in a world where I felt I didn’t belong.
Hi Tulip
Yes, it's similar for me. I've only been thinking about being autistic for a few months and will have wait a while for a clinical assessment. My GP agrees that I am autistic, he's a kind,, supportive GP, I'm lucky.
The biggest feeling is relief, as being autistic makes sense of pretty much everything I was told was 'wrong' with me. I am happy to finally understand that there is nothing terribly wrong with me at all, I'm neurodiverse.
At the same time, I'm sad and a bit angry that it's taken so long for me to get here and that it was never picked up by any health professional that I've seen over the years. In some instances, I think it really should have been. Instead it's been suggested that I'm all sorts of things - depressed, anxious, bi-polar, have ptsd, have a dissociative disorder. Most of those didn't make sense to me at the time, I knew they weren't right and because I never fitted those profiles well enough,, those suggestions didn't go any further. The medical profession seems still to be quite bad at diagnosing autism in adult women in the UK.
Also, now that I'm free to be who I am, I'm not sure how to go about it. When you mask so much and for so long taking the mask off will probably be tricky and take time, or at least I expect so.
It's a mixture of emotions and I think that's to be expected.
Very best of luck on your journey :)
Thats great that you have a supportive GP. I feel the same. X