Hair - a sensory nightmare

Autumn_Trees said:

it's kind of nice to hear you express so perfectly all the things i dislike too

If I did it's because I've been thinking about sensory issues for 18 years and then writing notes for my own diagnosis for the past 2 years.

Home hairdressers are the answer, or cut your own like I do some times. There are tutorials on YouTube. 

Hi Ottillie - ah it's kind of nice to hear you express so perfectly all the things i dislike too. I loathe the hairdressers! I hate hate hate having to look in the mirror for so long. I hate the small talk. I hate the heat.

When I used to live in a big city I had a home hairdresser but now I live in the countryside I doubt there is such thing. Could probably find a good sheep shearer though!

I've always struggled with haircare. Fortunately my hair looks ok if I don't style it, wavy or curlier depending on humidity. I used to scream having my hair washed when I was little, which came up in my autism assessment - it's very common for autistic girls to have sensory issues around hair washing and brushing. 

I've stuck with medium to long hair because I can put it up off my neck and face when it's hot or windy. I rarely blow dry it because I can't stand the hot air near my face, it feels like I'm suffocating. I only blow dry my hair if it's too cold to have damp hair for a couple of hours while it air dries. Anything shorter than medium for me needs styling every day and I can't be bothered with that, or tolerate blow drying it several times a week. I've tried various lengths over the years, including an undercut. The problem I have with shorter hair is that if you want to grow it back you have to go through the stage of it not being long enough to put up and it blowing in your face, which irritates me so much. I also hate going to the hairdressers, the smells, making small talk, sitting in front of a mirror for ages, and being around women that seem to love hair and makeup feel totally alien to me. Anything that requires little input from me and minimum styling and a trip to the hairdressers once or twice a year is what I stick with now. I'm going to try to find a hairdresser that does home visits, which is what I used to have. 

I'm sure there are probably apps you can try to see what short hair would look like for you. You could do it in stages to acclimatise - medium length, then bob length, then try an undercut before commiting to really short. If your hair grows quite quickly you can grow it back to bob length in about 14 months. Hair grows about half to one and a half centimeters a month. 

I play with my hair too but don't realise I'm doing it until my hands feel horrible from the oversensitivity. I used to chew my hair too but don't do that as much as I used to anymore.

I feel my hair is my only positive! I do play around with it when Im anxious though and at 46 the greys are coloured haha

Fantasy when I am really overwhelmed and I actually cannot make myself deal with it I will buckle and go to the hair dressers. They take out all the knots and do deep conditioning and blow dry on it so it comes out really silky and nice. But that's about £30-40 a go so I only rely on that if I'm in a sort of mental health crisis/burnout, maybe twice a year. 

I forced myself to shower in my lunch break today and now my hair is sparkly clean but I don't style or dry it I just leave it.

It's so nice your mum helps :) 

My dad lost his hair as well when he was in his twenties. He said he misses it a lot.

I find hair a love hate thing. I love my hair, it's honey coloured naturally but it's really difficult keeping it looking nice because I literally hate touching it because the feel of it is overwhelming to me. Sometimes my mum still has to do my hair if I can't manage it.

GuybrushThreepwood said:

the female requirement to conform with society or look a certain way

That is there for you to do the opposite. 

I don't like long hair and I have never had it.  I cut my hair myself with clippers.  I have some with relatively long settings  - 42mm.  I tidy around my ears with scissors.  I don't find it difficult to wash in the shower.

I think it's more of a general human thing. Sometimes I get curious about what it would look like if I just put my hair in a ponytail and cut that off with a razor. If I was on a desert island, I would've done it, but the fact that people would see me if it looked terrible puts me off. Very few people are immune from that societal pressure to look good (or at least acceptable) to others. 

It’s probably the female requirement to conform with society or look a certain way,  if I thought it looked horrible for whatever reason I would’ve put on a hat or a bandana or something. I would still have had to go and do the shopping or whatever if I didn’t have to work at that time

Thanks everyone for your replies! 

battybatsYES I love how undercuts look too - might try that out, then you can tie the rest up but you don't have the full dense/weight of all the hair. Mine is super thick too! 

Shardovan Withnail is my favourite film! Very good quote.

"Hair are your aerials. They pick up signals from the cosmos and transmit them directly into the brain. This is the reason bald-headed men are uptight."

The 'wisdom' of Danny, Withnail & I. 

My Dad often says the same. I'm the lucky one and odd one out in my family. My hairline remains good, like my grandfather's was. Downside, sensory nightmare.

I miss my sensory nightmare. 

Ugh yes it's a nightmare! My hair grows really quickly and it's quite thick so it gets unmamageable really easily. I don't want to cut it really short because I have a tiny head and a long neck, I feel like I'd look like an electric toothbrush

I'm thinking about maybe getting an undercut instead to get rid of some of the thickness, though I tend to dress quite alternative so that's something that would work for me more generally. It does require a bit of upkeep on the shorter bit though...

GuybrushThreepwood said:

If I’d got furloughed during covid I would’ve done a buzzcut and then hide away if I didn’t like it, but I still had to work full time

Why would you want to hide it? I'm genuinely curious as to why?

One of my friends has had a short pixie cut for years, she absolutely can’t stand her hair touching her face or neck. Sometimes I think about cutting my hair really short but whenever I’ve gone long bob or shoulder length before I’ve always wanted it long again straight away so I’m not sure it would be a good idea for me! I think maybe like you I use it as a bit of identity, I think I’d look like my brother if I cut it really short so want to have something feminine about myself as I rarely were make up. It does get on my nerves sometimes but doesn’t cause me major sensory issues. If I’d got furloughed during covid I would’ve done a buzzcut and then hide away if I didn’t like it, but I still had to work full time

I’m the same- I would love the relief of having it off me because it often makes me overwhelmed but I like how it looks long and I’m too scared to cut it

About 3 years ago I could sit on my hair when it was down. But it never was. Like you I had it up always. In my case in a bun and then underneath a buff (a type of headscarf) to prevent it from coming loose as easily. 

It was a nightmare to wash, airdrying could take up to 48 hours and I hate the noise of hairdryers. I could never stand it in my face, I wore it down about twice over the course of 2 years.

And then when hairdressers opened up after lockdown I got it all cut off. Short short, not a bob. I donated over 19 inches to the little princess charity. 

I've never bounced out of a hairdressers with as much excitement as I did that day. It felt like I was floating, and I've kept it short ever since. It's actually helped my relationship with showers a bit, although that's still a work in progress. My hair is considerably darker than it used to be because of all the time it spent under a headscarf. I have never regretted getting it cut.

But my hair was less of an identity thing than you seem to have with it.

I'd suggest thinking about things like donating it because it always feels a little weird throwing away that much hair when it can be really useful (Canada has studios that repurpose it into mats that soak up oil spills as human hair is one of the best substances for doing so).