Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi, so I’m really pushing myself out my comfort zone here because I don’t have anyone else I can seek true advice from. I was recently diagnosed in Feb at the age of 24 (though the news of me being autistic isn’t new) I spent months on myself to accept I am prior to being diagnosed. My little sister was diagnosed at the age of 4/5, thus since my mother has always told me she highly suspects I am - something I heavily rejected for at least 6 years. It wasn’t until meeting my fiancé 3 years ago that I truly started to believe it myself the more I learnt about autism in women (thanks TikTok). After the assessment I didn’t feel hopeful of a diagnosis as I was suffering quite badly with some immense imposter syndrome, so happy tears were shed when I was told I am. As most of you will know once you’ve got your diagnosis that’s pretty much it (super fun lol) I put off seeking anything out because I thought I was content in myself and knew who I was. I was wrong I am dropping the mask completely now and I just feel so detached from myself or who I thought I was to the point I actually don’t know who I am, I’m just struggling massively in know how to navigate myself any confidence I gained has depleted. I’m now reading this back thinking if it makes any sense at all. Any advice/sign posting is greatly appreciated <3
I understand this. Since i realised at the begining of the year that i am aitistic, i have gradually started to "be myself" What i am finding now is that i am coming to terms with being autistic, and not trying so hard to "fit in" to a world that is not made for me. I feel like the past 59 years has been so tiring trying to fit in to a world where i dont belong, because i dont belong. Now i have to learn to be the real me and get rid of all the pretence. A bit like being called Jane all your life and then finding out your not Jane your Judith. The damage caused by late diagnosus. Nothing we have done has caused this.
Wow. I identify. Yet again I have the amazing experience on this website of Reading posts thinking I must have written this but I don’t remember doing it. I belong with you all: true family connection here.